


Cabaret

by Freeza



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crossdressing, M/M, Romance, Slice of Life, Smut, Some angst, Tragicomedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-10 16:24:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11695440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freeza/pseuds/Freeza
Summary: Sehun is a stuffy journalist who forgot how to live and Luhan is a dancer that is teaching him how to dream again."Luhan turned directly towards Sehun, pinned him to his chair with a high heel mildly pressed against the latter's trembling chest and shot a knowingly superior, frivolous look at him."





	1. Chapter 1

****

 

**Genre:** Romance, Tragicomedy, Slice of Life, Smut  
**Warning:**  smut, crossdressing  
**Disclaimer:**  I don't own the boys or the used pictures, but the storyline and cover edit is mine. Please do not plagiarize. Do not re-upload or translate without my permission.

**Authorized Translation:**

  * [POLISH](https://www.wattpad.com/story/85032258-cabaret-%E3%80%8Cpolish-translation%E3%80%8D) by [puchatychomik](https://www.wattpad.com/user/puchatychomik)



 

**A/N:** Hello, everyone! ^-^ This was my first English fanfiction. I've written in my native language before but not in English, so I was a little bit unsure about the whole thing when I published it. I wrote this story for the following Selubration prompt: << cabaret / english / a restaurant with live entertainment. >> I had the idea for this story some time before, but when I saw this prompt I just couldn't resist writing anymore. I hope you can enjoy it and can forgive me some mistakes that may be still left even though I checked and got it checked a hundred times. (If you find some, tell me, so I can fix it.) I made a playlist for the soundtrack to this fic. You can listen to it [HERE](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDmijc22emQgN3JBHUydOIwwWQz33z7r0).

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**CHAPTER 1**   


 

Sehun is a square.

There is no point in neither denying it nor trying to describe it in a less condescending way.

Sehun is a square.

There is probably no one in this world who fits the description of a square better than him. And I'm the storyteller – I must know.

 

Sehun works in a cramped, little office for one of the many daily newspapers that you will take a short look at while walking past the display with steaming coffee-to-go in your hand as you rush to the subway station trying to catch the next train. Or maybe you wouldn't even take a look at all. You wouldn't even consider buying a newspaper. Because … _why would you?_

We're living in modern times. Everything that's plastering the headlines as so-called “news” was most likely new the day before, but you already knew that! After all, you are keeping up with the times and have internet. This may sound ridiculous to you, because … _Hell, who doesn't have internet? Who doesn't check on latest news or gets automatically bombarded with them on the news feed of the social network of your choice?_

So yes, it actually _is_ kind of ridiculous. But it's also a problem. A big problem. For the newspapers. Especially the small ones. Like Sehun's. With the internet, people had immediately access to thousands of sources, that they could read, watch and compare. Regular newspapers got completely left out.

So these newspapers had to think of a new strategy to stay alive. Either that or they would sooner or later go bankrupt. The best option was probably to focus on things you couldn't just easily find on the internet; meaning, they did more exclusive interviews with high ranking personalities, provided background information, insider reports and unveiled scandals with investigative journalism.

Well, at least, that's what they did when we're talking about _big_ newspapers.

That's what Sehun wants to do, too. That's what gives you money, fame and gets your name out there. That's what makes you a prestigious journalist. But … Sehun can't and judging from his current position, he never will.

Because, unfortunately, Sehun's newspaper isn't a big publishing house and thus, settled for the – saver – second option. And that is to focus on the only regular readers left – the old people.

Which is … frustrating … to say the least.

Especially for someone at the age of twenty-seven – soon to be turning twenty-eight – who would rather uncover fiscal evasion of politicians or interview international superstars.

Instead he has to spend his days in said cramped, little office, writing yet _another_ article about budget cutbacks for local retirement homes, so that the addressed readership has an actual reason to get agitated in their old age and continues to buy their newspaper for updates.

To sum it up: With the word “resentment” Sehun's feelings towards his profession are very benevolently paraphrased.

 

But now you justifiably may ask: _Is this enough to characterize someone as a square? After all, there are so many people in this world who are unhappy with their job. That's fairly enough reason._

Well … it's not just the the work he's doing and the fact that it's frustrating him, it's his whole attitude and dealings with his almost constant bad mood and the way he voluntarily or involuntarily lets it influence his private life and relationships with his very few friends.

If you were to pass Sehun by, you would unconsciously give him a small berth. He's radiating frustration and surrender and you really don't _need_ and _want_ that shit in your life. And you could smell the self-pity. It would stink to high heavens.

Besides that, you should see his home. You can tell a lot about people by seeing their apartments. And Sehun's is exceptionally boring and mediocre. Normally you would expect from people that their homes have like … a distinct style, a personality … Modern and fashionable or cozy and family-oriented, monochrome and chic, old-fashioned and expensive, colorful and happy and so on … But Sehun's home … it's just … _boring_ … a beige couch, a medium-sized flat screen, a brown carpet, a shapeless bookshelf, table and chairs, wooden bed with white sheets, wardrobe with a mirror … _yeah_ … oh, and a cupboard … _wow_ … Except for a family photo on the nightstand there were no pictures at all, no posters, nothing that could tell that this guy has ANY experiences, dreams, aspirations or preferences … it's just _boring_. A home as bland as its owner.

And there are so many more things that count up to make Sehun the squariest of squares – the way he dresses, some problematic opinions, his (non-existent) music taste and a sickening amount of obedience and conformity – but I'm gonna stop here. I think you get the point.

To actually fathom his degree of averageness and squareness you have to see it yourself …

 

~

 

Sehun felt so very lifeless, as his fingers typed an article in a stuporic rhythm.

A steady clack-clack-clack could be heard echoing in his small office. The only sound besides his exhausted breathing and the background noise of by passing cars on the street outside. Rush hour was starting.

A look on the clock told Sehun he would be able to leave soon, too. However, he would still have to work a little at home, because there was no way he could finish the other three small articles in half an hour.

His eyes had been captured by the screen for quite some time now and the constant lack of blinking left them burning and tired. Fragile red veins started to stand out from the white.

He lifted up his glasses and massaged his nose bridge. A deep groan erupted from his throat. He grabbed his half-empty glass of water which tasted quite flat by now. A sudden picture of himself breaking the glass into pieces and slicing his own throat flashed through his mind. It caught him a little off guard but he wasn't as disturbed or appalled by his thoughts as he should have been.

He just continued typing.

 

When he could finally leave, he mechanically turned off the PC and stepped out of his office. Sehun wondered whether he should say goodbye to Chanyeol but figured that he was too tired and the other probably left already. His friend wasn't as reliable as him, after all. So he just grabbed his coat and plodded out of building. 

It was a tiny bureau, just a few offices, a toilet and a place for the coffee machine – but what can you expect from a such a small newspaper? In the past it sold a lot better and the company had a big bureau in the city center but after the profit started to shrink they had to move to this hideous place. But that was even before Sehun's time, so he couldn't miss anything from the _good old times_ as the elder journalists liked to point out. The newspaper had to dismiss a lot of its employees and  was careful to hire new ones. So the people working there had actually a lot more work to do than before. They were fewer but still somehow had to fill a whole new issue everyday. The allotted work just wasn't manageable anymore. So, after a while, the head editor decided to release only three issues per week but the journalists were now constrained to focus a lot more on local stories to please the new – or actually _old_ – readership.

Sehun was one of the few people that were newly hired at the newspaper. And even though he hated it there and would rather work at any other company, he still considered himself lucky. There were so many young people out there who wanted to achieve exactly the same thing as him, who also studied journalism and now chased after a stellar career. But no newspaper in the world still needed this many journalists, so Sehun was quite relieved that he actually _got_ occupied at all. He also could be left unemployed and broke, like so many other people his age in South Korea. He didn't have the needed excellent grades (he had good grades – but not excellent) or impressive internships or semesters abroad to show to the big publishing houses. _Never in a million years would any of them hire him_ , he figured back then when he finished his study and thus, he didn't even try to apply. He just wasn't good enough and he knew it, especially with this much competition.

So … even though he hated his job, Sehun was still kind of happy … _kind of_ … at least, that's what he liked to tell himself.

 

Contrary to Sehun's assumptions Chanyeol _didn't_ finish early as usual and left the building shortly after his grumpy colleague. He saw him stodgily walking in the direction of the closest subway station and ran after him.

“Sehun, SEHUN! Would you please wait!”, he shouted and a few near-by ahjummas pursed their lips at such a behavior. _Today's youth …_

Sehun turned around, surprised. “Oh, Chanyeol! I thought you're always leaving early.”, he exclaimed, an accusative tone of voice noticeable. They continued walking together at a slow pace.

“Yeah, usually …” Chanyeol laughed it off. “But today I finished the last article here, so I don't have to work at home for once.” Chanyeol smiled brightly, exceptionally happy about this decision. “So now I got free time. Do you maybe wanna go somewhere and have a drink? Celebrating the happy hour?” A mischievous smirk crossed his face.

Sehun just breathed heavily. “Sorry, I can't. Still got work to do. I swear if I have to write _another_ article about financially struggling animal shelters I'm going to throw myself in front of a train.”

“Oh please, don't! We need your articles, man …” Even though he knew Sehun was joking, Chanyeol was still worried when he heard Sehun's complaint. He knew his friend for a little over three years now – ever since Sehun started working at the newspaper – and he never understood how the other could develop into such a broiling lump of negativity in such a short amount of time. You could basically see the whirlwind of misery hovering above his head in dark clouds. And it just got worse everyday.

“Man …”, Chanyeol started. “I really don't understand why you're even still working with us? Like … You _hate_ it. Ever since a few months after you started, you just complain to me about this job and the company. You obviously work at the wrong place. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would miss you, but … _why_ are you still working there?”

“Well, uhm …”, Sehun started hesitantly. “You know how our deputy head editor will be retiring soon. I want this position. The payment is better and I don't have to write these boring articles anymore. I could maybe write a little more exciting stuff.”

“Yeah, I know. You told me like ten-thousand times already. But Sehun! I don't know what air _you_ are breathing but we focus on elders as our main audience. There will never be _anything_ exciting about this. This job is convenient and orderly and that's it.” Chanyeol side-eyed his friend incredulously.

“Yeah, but I just really want a better position. That's how I always figured it would be.”

“Huh? What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, I don't know … don't know how to explain it.”, Sehun muttered.

But the truth was, Sehun knew very well how to explain it. He just chose not to, because he already saw Chanyeol's reaction in his mind. He would look at him like he had totally lost it – _again_ . But Sehun just really figured that _this_ is what his life was supposed to be like. When his parents asked him to decide on a subject that would offer him a career later on, he chose journalism and by then he had his complete life already mapped out in his head. _Study. Military service. Get a job. Work hard. Get a promotion. Get a wife. Marry. Get kids. Two. A boy and girl. Work until retirement. Be a grumpy grandfather. Die while sleeping. The End._ That's what he always thought his life  was supposed to be like. I mean, he was certain that's what a _proper life_ was supposed to be  like … right? … _Right?_ … And because he was so certain, he would very well make sure, that it would turn out like this. Sehun didn't like surprises. And he didn't like it when things didn't go according to plan. Specifically _his_ plan.

But he couldn't tell that to Chanyeol. The other would laugh at him. It's not like Chanyeol didn't have such expectations towards his own life as well, but he was still more … open. And he liked surprises. He was more willing to do risky stuff (well, risky in Sehun's eyes) and was more willing to feel _free_ after work.

“Well …”, Chanyeol mused. “If that's what you really want, I don't see a reason, why you shouldn't get the promotion. I mean … there's not really anybody else, besides you, suitable for the position, right? You've been working your ass off ever since you heard that Mrs Shim would retire soon and that was two and a half years ago. I am certainly not going to apply for that, since I am very comfortable with writing the sports articles. And so is Junmyeon with his crossword and joke pages. Seohyun just started four months ago, so I don't see any reason why she should get the promotion. And you were literally kissing Mr Kwon's ass.”

“No, I wasn't.”, Sehun interjected meekly.

“Oh yes, _you were_!”, said Chanyeol emphatically. “Honestly, dude! You should see and hear yourself sometimes. You're such an asshamster. _Oh Mr Kown, you're new jacket suits you wonderfully! Oh Mr Kwon, it's already finishing time but is there anything I can do for you? Oh Mr Kwon, can I kiss your feet and roll out a red carpet for you?_ Dude, I swear, it's so disgusting sometimes, if you weren't my friend, I'd punch you in the face.”

Sehun didn't answer.

He felt offended. _I never do this_ , he thought.

But _oh yes_! He did this.

The two reached the subway station and were ready to part ways.

“Hey, sorry man!”, Chanyeol apologized. “I know you want this position. I just really can't understand how you can work for a promotion at a place you don't even want to work at.”

“Well …” Sehun didn't know what to answer.

“Hey, another thing I wanted to ask you …” Chanyeol swiftly changed the topic to avoid awkward silence. “I recently read about this new club-slash-restaurant-thingy near Itaewon. I wanted to go there, because I heard they offer great food and the shows are supposed to be excellently choreographed and entertaining. It's some sort of variety – a _cabaret_!”

Sehun puckered up his lips. “Chanyeol, you know I'm not much of a fan of such establishments.”

“Oh, shut it, Sehun! Stop being so being reserved all the time. Get out of your house for once! You'll gonna waste away in that apartment.”

“Well … I don't know …” Sehun didn't like being pressured into doing something outside of his comfort zone. But he also wanted to do something with Chanyeol again – outside of work, that is. It's been a long time since they last spent a nice evening together.

“Oh c'mon, Sehun! I'm sure it'll be a fun evening and you would have a reason to laugh again for a change. You could relax a little. And also … For what I know, you could maybe even like this club. I heard it's quite tasteful and expensive there, nothing for the … well, _vulgar_ people …”, he huffed while saying this. “So it might even satisfy that un-acted out parvenu in you, huh … so what do you say? Maybe tomorrow? I mean, it'll be Friday …”

“I guess … I will think about it.”, Sehun answered sincerely.

“Okay.” Chanyeol was obviously pleased with this answered. It was hard enough to even make Sehun consider such an option.

They bid goodbye and left; Sehun with hanging head as usual.

 

~

 

After coming home, Sehun usually has a very special order of things to do. It's like a list that he has to get through. This strict plan may seem odd and even compulsive to others but for Sehun it's what helps him to get through his day. Just like he has list for his life, he has one for the details.

He always has a list.

_Coat in the wardrobe. Lock the door. Place work documents on desk. Eat some rice and kimchi. Breathe. Finish work. Watch the news. Call parents. Shower. Sleep._

Sehun always works off his list on any day of the week of the year. It's easier for him. Easier to stay in control. In control of his life, his future, his plans.

Sehun is not a pedant. Or is he?

He himself likes to think, that he just wants to be proper, spotless, save and neat. There is just no place for excitement in his life. Excitement is distraction.

 

This evening while eating he thought about Chanyeol's suggestion. For once Sehun honestly considered it. Usually he would say no. Especially at such a spontaneous plan – yes, one day in advance is spontaneous according to Sehun. The idea of having to ruin his list, his plans for such an unnecessary event made him feel uncomfortable. _But then then again_ , the “daring” part of his brain mused, _he truly_ was _extremely stressed and exhausted, since he had been working so much for the promotion._ Maybe it'd be nice to have some fun again. Sehun didn't like distraction, but maybe he needed it.

And another thought popped up in his head. Maybe he could make this event part of his big list, too. He would soon get the promotion. He would need to find a girl to marry next. Maybe he should start looking. Even though Sehun was a complete disaster when it came to flirting and such, he understood enough to know that he wouldn't find a nice woman sitting in his apartment. Maybe he would find a nice girl while going out with Chanyeol. Of course not a girl that is actually working at one of those establishments or one that would visit such a place. That just wasn't _proper_. He could never introduce someone like that to his parents. But maybe outside in the streets. Or on they way. Or somehow … somewhere … whatever …

Sehun tried his best to convince himself to go with Chanyeol tomorrow. He knew his friend already thought he was an uptight square that didn't get laid. Well, it was true, but Sehun didn't want to give the other any more reasons to tease him about it. Every single time Sehun seemed particularly grumpy about his work and was complaining all day long, Chanyeol would ask him when he had sex the last time. Sehun never answered and just turned beet red. He wasn't a virgin (Sehun was uptight, but not THIS uptight), but he hadn't got laid in … a while. The reason why was a mystery even to Sehun himself. He knew some good sex would probably ease him a up a little bit but _no_ … it just didn't happen.

 

When Sehun called his parents this evening, he felt quite deceitful. He still wasn't sure, whether he should go with Chanyeol tomorrow, but he was leaning towards yes. And just in case that's what he'll really do, he had to lie to his mother when she asked him about his plans for the weekend. And he would have to lie to her again, when she will ask him on Saturday, why he didn't call her as usual.

Sehun didn't like lying. At all. But sometimes it was necessary.

His mother would always ask him about his day – she was being extremely inquisitive while doing so. And Sehun would answer that there wasn't much to tell. He was working hard to get the promotion, that's all. And that was the truth. In the past these answers were usually enough to satisfy his mother. However, lately she started to ask a lot about him meeting girls and finding a wife. She wanted grandchildren so desperately. All of this was already part of Sehun's list, but hearing it from his mother as well, made him feel so pressured – more than usual.

This evening, after taking a warm shower, Sehun had trouble finding sleep. He was rolling around in his squary white sheets with his squary checked pajama on. He was worrying about the next day. He felt so uncomfortable, as if all the pressure was crushing him. And in this case he didn't even know what pressure exactly. The world's? Or his own?

While sleeping, Sehun was tossing around anxiously. He hadn't dreamed in quite a while. Or at least he couldn't remember.

 

~

 

Friday. The day that everyone, who doesn't have to work in shifts, is glad about having arrived.

Sehun was glad as well. He wouldn't have to finish all his work by the evening, he could do it the next day without any pressure. It was a lot less stressful and he was certainly enjoying that fact. Contributing to his good mood (well not exactly “good” but “less bad than usual”), that he was sporting for once, was the rumor he heard earlier from one of his older colleagues. Apparently Mr Kwon decided on who would get promotion. Sehun was positive that it was him. It was like Chanyeol put it yesterday; no one ever showed real interest in the position except him. But despite his more motivated state he felt anxious. Chanyeol hadn't asked him about the evening yet, but it was bound to happen soon.

Sehun was working in front of his PC again. When Mr Kwon would come in to inform him, he wanted to seem like the diligent and responsible person that he was. He even continued working when all his co-workers left for lunch. Chanyeol came by his office with Seohyun at his side.

“Come on, you workaholic.”, he joked. “I earlier heard your stomach growling even 'til my office.” Chanyeol seemed to have an exceptionally good mood as well. Maybe it was the sunny weather outside that lightened everyone up.

Sehun debated for a few seconds whether he should actually go but realized that Chanyeol would confront him about the cabaret anyways. He sighed and grabbed his coat. “Okay, let's go.”

The three went to a small restaurant only a few hundred meters away from the bureau. When they arrived, a few of their co-workers were already there eating the cheap yet tasty tteokbokki and samgyetang that made this place so popular.

While waiting for their food to be served, Chanyeol finally asked. “So, have you thought about it?”, he still sounded quite optimistic. “About today, I mean?”

“I … I'm still not sure, Chanyeol.”, Sehun admitted. “But I mean … I guess …”

“C'mon, please Sehun. It's gonna be cool.”

“Oh, you guys got plans for the evening?”, Seohyun asked curiously as she overheard the conversation.

Actually Seohyun was a very nice person. She just started four months prior and was mostly in charge of the layout – a task that she fulfilled diligently and reliable. She was always extremely friendly towards everyone and a very pleasant company. Sehun once thought, that she would probably be a very suitable girlfriend and future wife. She was classy, polite and seemed to be quite filial. Exactly the qualities he was looking for in a woman. But for what he knew Seohyun had a boyfriend, so he didn't even bother trying anything. He wanted to avoid any awkward tension that would follow in case she rejected him.

“Ah yeah, we wanted to go to a new – uhm – _club_.”, Chanyeol explained.  “But Mr Uptight here is priming 'cause he worries it could ruin his reputation, right?” He gave Sehun a mocking look.

Sehun felt embarrassed. “Okay, fine, I'm coming.”, he finally gave up.

“Yeay!” Chanyeol cheered.

“Sehun, you shouldn't worry about that too much.”, Seohyun offered friendly to ease up his tenseness. “You're working so hard all the time. Treat yourself!” Her phone vibrated in her bag. She took it out and read a text message. “It's Mr Kown. Apparently some emergency with the layout.” She rolled her eyes. “I swear, this man … Doesn't even let his workers get a break ...” Hastily she chewed her remaining food, paid and rushed back to the bureau.

When she was gone Chanyeol noted that he was kinda sorry for the girl. “She has to run around so much for that old man. I know that newbies always got to do the dirty work but Mr Kwon is honestly overdoing it, don't you think?”

“Hm.” Sehun wasn't really listening. His mind was currently filled with dread for the evening.

“Man!”, Chanyeol complained. “You're doing it again!”

“What?”

“Being so abstracted. It's like the nth time you're doing this today. Dude, chill! It's gonna be a cool evening. Get a grip and stop worrying so much, jeez.”

“Cool evening, huh …?”, Sehun pondered. “Well, if you think so.”

 

To make it short, Sehun's fears for this evening are completely and utterly irrational. He fears he could be caught doing something, that he's not supposed to do. He fears getting in trouble. But why would a goodie two shoes like him even get in trouble? And how? Judging from his attitude one would think that even if he was thrown into satanic orgy drugged 'til the point of not knowing his name, he would still stand uncomfortably in the corner and be ashamed. But that's exactly the problem. If Sehun could be sure that this is how he would behave, he wouldn't worry. But Sehun isn't sure. Quite frankly, he has NO FUCKING IDEA WHATSOEVER how he would behave in such a precarious situation. Thinking about it makes him turn red but what would happen in real life? He doesn't know. Sehun avoids thinking about it as a matter of principle, but deep down he knows that he doesn't and can't trust himself. His persona is formed by his life, his attitude and too many expectations. It's a cage that helps him to keep control, to stay on track. Sehun doesn't want the cage to break; he's much too scared of what could be unleashed from the inside. Everything that can get him into trouble, everything that he is not supposed to do could be seen by others, judged by others. It could reach his boss, his parents and so many people that he actually doesn't even care about anymore. However, they could all judge him, hate him, take everything from him. Every mistake could stain his impeccable persona.

So actually it's not about him not wanting to find some amusement or him having stick up his ass or anything like that. He's just trying to stay as far away from the edge as possible, pretending to be afraid of it. But the truth is, he's not afraid of the edge. He's afraid, that he might jump if he's getting to close.

And most of all he is afraid of the collision.

 

Back in his office a nasty surprise was waiting for Sehun.

He was just getting ready for the second half of his work day while discussing a few things with Chanyeol about when the latter would pick him up this evening, when Seohyun joyfully swung open the door and bounced into his office.

“Hey you guys, you won't believe what happened!”, she cheered. “Mr Kwon …”, she made a dramatic pause. “ … offered me a promotion!”

…

Silence.

…

“WHAT?!”, Sehun and Chanyeol chorused.

“Unbelievable, right?”, she sang happily. “I was so surprised when he asked, I mean I just started recently, soooo …”

Chanyeol's eyes became the size of fried eggs. “And what did you say?”

“Yes, of course!” Her laugh echoed through the hallway. “I mean, why shouldn't I?”

Sehun was frozen in his seat. Anger, shock, resentment, desperation, fear and _wrath_ boiled up in him and he felt like a pressure cooker about to explode. He had the strong desire to slap that laughing bitch across the face right then and there. HOW FUCKING DARE SHE?! That was HIS position, not hers. He had worked his ass off for this promotion for three fucking years and this little bimbo came along and snatched it away from him just like that?? And how could Mr Kwon dare? Did this man even value ANYTHING Sehun had done for him and the newspaper? Did he even respect Sehun's efforts and hard work the slightest?

Chanyeol side-eyed his friend, knowing exactly what was going on in the others mind. This was a major catastrophe. _Oh boy …_

When Seohyun whirred away to tell the others the glad tidings of joy the tense atmosphere continued.

“Dude, look …”, Chanyeol began.

“Don't!”

“Dude-”

“Just DON'T! If you're staying quiet right now, I can _maybe_ refrain myself from killing her.”, Sehun hissed.

Chanyeol gulped. A pissed Sehun was a scary Sehun. It didn't happen often that the younger actually let himself get pushed to the level of being so angry and even rarer he showed it this openly. “Sehun ...”, he started in a peaceable tone of voice. “It's not her fault. She didn't even know that you were so keen on the position. I know you wanna murder every moving thing right now, but she is really not the person that you should be angry at.”

“Three years, Chanyeol, _three years_!”

“I know, man …”, Chanyeol squeezed his friends shoulder encouragingly. “I know …”

 

Later that day, both of them got their answer to the question as to why Seohyun got the promotion in the first place.

Them and their colleagues were about to leave when Mr Kwon opened the door to his office to call Seohyun in. They were quite surprised to see Mr Kwon still in the bureau. For once that bastard didn't finish like three hours earlier.

Shortly after going in Seohyun left the office again. While she tottered towards the hall stand with a smiley face, Sehun and Chanyeol could see Mr Kwon's look following her from the door frame. His greedy eyes predatorily devoured the woman's backside and Sehun felt like he was about to puke.

_This was why his efforts were in vain? Because of a young girl's ass???_

Today Sehun learned that his frustration with himself and the world could reach totally new levels.

 

~

 

Originally it was supposed to be good day – a fantastic day in fact. After Sehun was able to overcome his inhibitions, the time at the cabaret this evening was meant to be a celebration for the well-deserved promotion. Now it had to serve as a consolation.

Sehun was standing in front of his bathroom mirror. A worn out face behind small frameless glasses looked at him accusingly. Dark shadows beneath the eyes were evidence for not enough sleep and too much work. His skin seemed sickly and pale. He lost the youthful glow years ago. Adulthood had drained him from all his energy, hopes and dreams. It successfully destroyed every single illusion he ever had and replaced them with the cold, harsh reality. Sometimes he wondered how he could possibly make it through the rest of his life like this. He felt like dying already; so where was the energy and the spirit supposed to come from to make it until his retirement – considering that adulthood had just started for him not even ten years ago. He honestly didn't know.

He was tall and his back naturally broad, but a lack of body tension left him walking with sloping shoulders and the look constantly drawn to the ground – making him seem so much smaller and more vulnerable than he actually was. When un-gelled, his black hair (Of course black, or do you think a proper Sehun would even dare to dye his hair?) hung over his eyes and presaged a boyish and cheeky attitude that he may have had once.

The ringing door bell jolted Sehun out of his thoughts. He opened – ready to go – but Chanyeol just threw one short glance at his friends checked shirt, sweater vest and bow tie and with an resolute “No!” he pushed past him and started to meddle with Sehun's wardrobe.

“What? Why?”, Sehun exclaimed offended.

“You can't go to such a place looking like a total dweeb.”

“Hey, I don't look like a dweeb.”

He _did_ look like a dweeb.

Chanyeol just raised an eyebrow and threw another afflicted look at Sehun's trousers that were a tad too short around the ankles and _don't even get me started with hair_. It was basically glued to his skull and had a very unfavorably placed side parting. “Seriously, dude! It looks like your mom is still picking out your clothes. Like – NO!” Chanyeol continued to rummage through the closet. “Dude, don't you got any decent stuff to wear in here? Please don't tell me all you've got are those despicable sweater vests.” He held a particularly horrifying example in yellow and blue in his hands.

Sehun turned beet red. It was the one his mom knitted for him. Indeed a grouse piece of clothing. He ran forward to close the doors of his wardrobe. “Go away, Chanyeol. My clothes, my life.”

“Oh shut up, you fashion bummer. I can't go out with you looking like that. That's embarrassing.”

“As if you're a fashion icon, duh.”

“Well, at least more than you. This …”, he pointed at Sehun. “... is a disgrace.”

Grudgingly Sehun stood beside his friend and had to bare with the other slowly but surely disassembling his closet until he finally shouted: “OH! What do we got here?” With a triumphant grin he held a leather jacket and a black dress shirt in his hands.

Sehun gulped. He totally forgot that he had those. And they woke unpleasant memories. He jumped to Chanyeol and ripped the jacket out of his hands just to throw them back into the depths of the wardrobe. “What's in the closet, stays in the closet!”, he said with finality.

“Chill, man!”, said the weirded out Chanyeol. “At least wear the dress shirt, please.”

Sehun groaned but complied. Together with some beige jeans that Chanyeol found in a drawer they managed to make him seem somewhat presentable. The hair still looked shitty, but Sehun refused to mess it up.

Since dressing the younger of the two up had taken some doing, he left the house with Chanyeol in a quite agitated state – the aftermath of not getting the promotion still adding to it. Hopefully the remaining evening would serve justice at least a little bit. I mean, it's not like the day could get any worse, right?

 

~

 

“A cabaret named _Cabaret_? Creative.”, Sehun muttered under his breath.

Chanyeol huffed. “Since when are you being sarcastic?”

“Since now.”

They were waiting in line in front of the quite impressive entrance of the building. It seemed to be a little cliché overall because of the blatant retro style. However, it was still elegant enough for Sehun to think that Chanyeol was probably right. This was a club he would like to got to. A red carpet was rolled out in the entrance hall. The curved name over the door was standing tall and illuminated by warm lights.

The two friends were surprised to see such a long line waiting to get let in. Luckily, Chanyeol made reservations, so it was their turn pretty quickly. Sehun honestly didn't expect a just recently opened club to have such a rush. Meant that it was good. The entrance fee was just as expensive as the whole club looked like. Sehun's wallet was crying bitter tears, knowing that he later on would have to pay even more money for the food, since he was quite hungry by now.

The inside was even more luxurious and splendid. After Sehun and Chanyeol left their jackets at the checkroom, they stepped into a giant dining hall, that you only know from the pictures of expensive restaurants that you will never go to because … _ain't nobody got that much money_. With its additional circle it left the impression of a European opera hall, just slightly more modern. Red carpet covered every single part of the floor and also in the rest of the place dark, warm colors were dominating. The stage was placed opposite to the door through that Sehun and Chanyeol were stepping in. The thick, red curtains were still drawn, just waiting to rise.

When Sehun and Chanyeol were comfortably seated on one of the round tables covered with crème white tablecloths for two people, a young waiter, probably around their age, came along and handed them the menus. Their eyes almost popped out once they saw the prices. The cabaret offered rare wines and imported champagne and all sorts of pricey liquors. The food was mostly western and thus expensive as well. After gulping once or twice the two decided on less expensive wines and one of the few Korean meals on the menu.

Half past nine, every single seat was taken – exceptionally by men. The people coming here were obviously well off and Sehun felt very out of place. He desperately wished to actually be part of these people but he was just a miserable little journalist. Letting his look wander around he even thought, that he saw one of the ministers for a moment, which made him wonder why a married guy would go to such an establishment. _Wasn't he risking his career?_

The food was exquisite. Really pricey but so worth it. Sehun was satisfied – at least a little bit. A filled stomach made him see the world just a tad brighter. And the wine wasn't to be sniffed at as well.

Ten o'clock – Sehun was just halfway through his meal – jazzy tunes started to play from the speakers. When Sehun and Chanyeol raised their eyes to the stage excited cheers and clapping started among the audience.

A man dressed in a tuxedo – probably in his mid-thirties – stepped on the stage, with a microphone in his hand. “Hello, gentlemen!”, he greeted exuberantly and was greeted back with hyped calls. “I am Kris, the owner of this humble cabaret, and it's my pleasure to great all of you here tonight. That we would still have such a full house even after three months of opening – we would like to thank you for that. And as I can see, there are some familiar faces already.” He grinned at a few specific tables, that cheered back approvingly. “But at the same time I see so many new faces.” He let his eyes wander around. For a short moment he looked at Sehun as well and the latter just wriggled about on his chair nervously. “So to everyone who is new tonight, please let me explain how this place here works.”, Kris continued. “We have rotating programs with several acts. Sometimes just singing, sometimes just dancing, sometimes both in combination. Every evening has a certain topic. For today it would be modern pop songs. I would like to add that every dance that is getting performed tonight, is specifically choreographed by our … _lovely ladies_ …” At that, whistles erupted from all around Sehun. Chanyeol sported an excited grin. Sehun's heart was just thundering heavily.

“The first act that they will perform tonight is a dance. So, without further ado, here they are, gentlemen!”, announced Kris and left the stage.

As the first accords of _I Feel You_ by the Wonder Girls started playing, the curtain rose and the cheering reached its peak.

Sehuns eyes were glued to the stage. His mouth went dry. It's been a long time since he last felt this excited. The curtain unveiled ten beautiful – _beautiful –_ ladies standing in line, dressed in the most sultry and revealing outfits. Corsets and fishnet stockings hugged their slim but trained bodies in all the right ways.

Sehun's head became incredibly hot and light all of sudden. _Oh, it's been so long …_

And once they started moving, gracefully swinging their hips, stretching their hairless legs in a way that it would put Liza Minnelli and the movie to shame, he was lost. Everyone was lost.

If Sehun would have been in his right mind he would have noticed the lack of bust size. He would have noticed that the thighs of the performers were too toned. That the shoulders were a little bit too broad and the arms too muscular. He would have noticed the Adam's apples, the strong jawlines and the actually pretty obvious bulges in the tight lace panties. But Sehun wasn't in his right mind.

His complete attention was drawn to one thing.

The dancer right at the center of the choreography.

The way she moved her body so seductively and the straps that were standing out from her milky skin had Sehun having a … _hard time_ keeping still in his seat. She had such a pretty face. Rosy lips, big eyes, fluttering eyelashes, a lovely smile. Her hair was unusually short but Sehun couldn't be bothered by that right now, as it showed her creamy white neck and collarbones. Sehun just wanted to run onto the stage and hug her, kiss her, do _everything_!

Chanyeol was equally spaced out, his eyes following a dancer right next to the blonde haired beauty that Sehun was drooling over.

For Sehun it felt like he was watching a beautiful dream unfolding in front of his eyes. This girl, he wanted her, he needed her. The swinging hips pushed him into a whirlwind of emotions he had suppressed for quite some time. And now he wondered why ever did that. They felt wonderful, spreading within every cell. He felt desire, longing, lust drowning him. For a brief second her gaze met with Sehun's and he felt his heart swell. She was goddess on stage. Her movements screamed satisfaction, her eyes sparkled from joy and life, she radiated energy and Sehun was craving it. But like every beautiful dream this one ended far too soon.

Sehun's awakening was harsh.

When the last tone resounded in the hall, the audience erupted into cheers. The ten girls smiled charmingly and bowed.

The blonde haired beauty grabbed a microphone and started speaking.

Sehun's heart dropped.

NO!

“Good evening, gentlemen!”, the soft voice of a guy said. “Do you enjoy yourselves so far? I'm Luhan and as the lead dancer and choreographer I would like to greet you personally.”

Sehun felt sick and he looked – _really_ looked – at the dancers. How could he not have noticed that these were all men?

He slowly dragged his eyes to Chanyeol who looked equally shocked.

“Se-Sehun … I-I swear I didn't know …”, the latter explained pleadingly, as he saw the anger and disgust slowly forming on his friends face.

“How can you dare to bring me to such a place?”, Sehun hissed aggressively. “Transvestites? For real?”

“Sehun, I'm sorry, I didn't know.”

Sehun just glared at Chanyeol as if he wanted murder him. He kinda really wanted to. _Transvestites, these excuses of men …_

Did I mention that Sehun is pretty fucking homophobic?

He wanted to leave immediately. He heard and saw all the cheering faggots around him and just wanted to puke.

“Let's go, Chanyeol!”, he wanted to say, but got interrupted by a particularly loud applause from the audience. Startled he looked up and saw the blonde faggot smiling into the microphone.

“So … who's gonna be the lucky guy to come onto the stage with us?”, he asked teasingly. The men whistled and called Luhan to pick them.

Luhan's gaze wandered around until he finally found what he was searching for. A stressed out, agitated face. This guy was sitting in the Cabaret. He was supposed to be smiling. “You!”, he called out.

Sehun felt losing ground. Luhan's eyes were directly locked with his. He couldn't … he couldn't possibly mean him, could he?

“Yes you, with the beige pants and the glasses!”

Where was the hole in the ground that Sehun could jump in? He felt panic rising.

“You're making such a troubled face. Maybe we can cheer you up a little.”

Sehun felt every single pair of eyes in the room penetrating him. Panicky he shook his head. The pressure and the expecting faces suffocated him. His disgust drew every color from his skin.

The other guys booed at him.

“You hear them.”, Luhan grinned. “Everyone else in this room would love to take your place. C'mon, I don't bite. Except, of course, you'd like that.” He winked. Catcalls could be heard again.

Sehun wanted to scream. Sehun wanted to run. Sehun wanted to die.

A few other men from the surrounding tables stood up and grabbed the scared stiff Sehun just to drag him up the stage.

“Wonderful!”, Luhan smiled and pushed him into a chair. “Relax, tiger!”, he muttered as he soothingly caressed Sehun's shoulder.

Sehun didn't even quite catch it. Everything happened like in a rush behind a veil of fear and hate. The hot spotlights seemed to burn his skin. The first beats of Lady Gaga's _Do What U Want_ hammered in his ears.

It was supposed to be a nice evening. Instead he found himself facing everything he never wanted to face.

The remaining nine dancers started their choreography as planned. Luhan stayed close to the chair, circling it like a predator its prey.

Sehun was glued to the seat. He couldn't have moved even if he wanted to.

Luhan was dancing much too close to him. He was dancing much too suggestive. He was wearing way too much scandalous lingerie and his gestures were way too much much directed towards Sehun. Our Mr Uptight had absolutely no idea how to deal with the situation. Maybe Sehun had been able to deal with this sorta stuff in the past, but he forgot how to.

Sehun felt a thick lump growing in his throat. He desperately wanted to hate what he saw, but was too caught in the moment, too fascinated by Luhan's sheer talent, too drawn in into the explosive fire that seemed to blow up the room. It reminded him, _oh how it reminded him …_

He felt the heat of Luhan's body standing behind him, coming closer. He felt a graceful hand resting on his left shoulder and sneaky fingers crawling down his collar. His breath was stuck in his throat.

He felt a second hand resting on his right shoulder and an arm circling around his neck. Lips came close to his ear, the velvety voice whispering: “ _Do what you want, what you want with my body!_ ”

He felt lava dripping into his chest, spreading fast. He felt burning within his every cell. He felt his body aching for … something … _something_ … He felt it. He felt what he was fearing. It was waking up. He felt the creature in the cage waking up. The creature was sensing the heat, it was feeling the energy. It felt how weak it was. It felt how hungry – _starving_ – it was. It started to scream.

Sehun's breath sped up. He didn't even notice the flashlights anymore. Or the audience. Or Chanyeol. It was just him. Invisibly tied to a chair. And the dancing flame.

As the song progressed, Luhan was writhing around the chair, having Sehun's lap as his goal. When he reached it, he shamelessly seated himself in the most luring manner on the others stiff legs, facing him and rolling his lean hips.

Sehun wanted to push him away. Sehun wanted to pull him closer.

Sehun wanted to knock him off. Sehun wanted to grab his hips.

Sehun wanted to punch him in the guts. Sehun wanted to run his fingers through the fluffy locks.

Sehun … didn't know what he wanted. Which left him indifferent in action.

Luhan sensually circled his hips close to Sehun's groin, his hands resting on the miserable man's neck. The black straps were deliciously stretching on his well-formed thighs. He pulled Sehun's face closer and tenderly rested his forehead on the others, their hot breathes meeting in the middle. Usually Luhan didn't go this far, but the grumpy looking man had such a nice and pleasing scent. He had to force himself not to bury his head into the others shoulder. He may looked nerdy from distance, but up close he made Luhan speechless. If styled correctly this guy could destroy every model to walk the runway. _So stunning._

Caught in each others daze, their eyes stayed interlocked. The music revolved around them and lifted them up, up high.

When the songs finally got drowned out into the off, Sehun's senses came back. He realized that he was sitting on stage in a gay club with a guy in a corset quite literally giving him a lap dance. His eyes widened in horror.

Luhan realized that he had stayed on Sehun's lap for a tad to long – how unprofessional. He quickly retreated and threw an endearing laugh to the audience that had been on edge ever since the act started.

The following hurricane of applause had Sehun jumping out of his seat like a scalded cat and hurrying down the stairs and out of the hall. He didn't even think of his friend Chanyeol still sitting in there. He needed to get OUT OF HERE. And this whole embarrassing ordeal was the other's fault anyway.

The checkroom attendant came rushing towards Sehun when he noticed that one of the guests wanted to leave early. “Sir, you want to go already?”, he asked surprised. “Didn't you like the show?”

“I … I just want to leave now.”, Sehun answered curtly and told the attendant the number of his coatrack.

While Sehun was waiting for a few seconds until the other came back with his trenchcoat, a side door opened and a breathless Luhan hurried into the entrance hall. When he spotted his target he called out: “Hey, sir, excuse me?”

Sehun turned around and immediately became as white as a sheet. _Oh no no no no no …_ He didn't know what to do and stumbled towards the door, despite not having his coat back yet.

“Sir, please wait a second.”, Luhan continued with a apologetic expression. “I need to talk to you.”

 

 

~

 

 

I hope you liked this chapter. If you did, comments, kudos & bookmarks are highly appreciated.

~ Freeza :D


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

~

 

 

**CHAPTER 2**

 

 

“Leave me alone!”, Sehun called out as he fumbled with the door handle. _Not that faggot. Not now._

“Please, sir!”, Luhan repeated. He stepped closer, still dressed in his corset and high heels. “I would like to apologize.”

That caught Sehun off guard. He paused and allowed himself to breath.

Luhan was standing about two meters away from him and offered a regretful smile.

“And why would you?”, Sehun asked snippy. Suspicion shot from his eyes.

“I noticed you're discomfort on stage and you basically fled out of the room. I'm sorry if I brought you into a difficult situation and caused you embarrassment. Usually men enjoy being up there. I assumed it would be the same for you. I'm sorry that you couldn't enjoy it.” He bowed full ninety degrees and Sehun was speechless for a moment.

Then his eyebrows furrowed and he barked a morose: “Don't assume things about people!”

Luhan visibly flinched at that. He didn't expect his apology to be rejected in such a harsh manner.

“When you called me up there, I actually wanted to leave anyway.”, Sehun continued grumpily. “I didn't wanna come on stage in the first place. Those other dudes dragged me up there.” His voice slowly but surely became angrier.

“I'm sorry that it happened, sir.”, Luhan apologized and bowed again. “I'll make sure to not let it happen in the future.”

“Yeah … DO THAT!”, Sehun ordered and finally wanted to make tracks.

“Wait, sir! I have a question.”, Luhan exclaimed.

“What is it?!”, Sehun snapped.

“W- … You said you wanted to leave even before I asked you to come on stage. Why? Don't you like the Cabaret?”

“NO!”, Sehun answered agitated. 

When Sehun is angry, he is. Fucking. Angry. When Sehun is angry, he would always be brutally honest, because the truth hurts the most – he learned that the hard way. When Sehun is angry, he doesn't pretend anymore, when he's angry – and luckily it happens seldom enough – he doesn't care about his image anymore. Afterwards he would usually roast himself, but at that moment he couldn't care less. At that moment he just felt wrath and it was scary as fuck. Despite him wearing a sweater vest and squary glasses he looked really intimidating. All of a sudden he got the body tension that he was lacking most of the time and he would tower over almost every other person – and in this case especially Luhan, despite the other still wearing high heels.

Luhan recoiled in surprise. _What the heck was wrong with this guy?!_ “I'm sorry, sir. Didn't mean to bother you.”

Sehun ignored that. “Why the hell would I like a shanty like this anyways?”

“S-Sir …?” Luhan was quite irritated about the insulting words.

“And I thought, it'd be a nice evening …”, Sehun huffed sarcastically. “But what do I get? All of THIS disgusting shit!” He pointed at Luhan and his lingerie.

Now Luhan got quite upset as well. “No need to get all offensive, man … Sorry, if this establishment is not your taste, but how dare you to talk to me like that.”

“How dare YOU to talk to me like that? And don't _man_ me, you faggot. Stay away from me.”

For a second hurt flashed through Luhan's eyes. “Faggot?”, Luhan repeated and didn't believe his ears. It took him a moment until finally realized where exactly the rub laid. _What a fucking douche bag …_ “FAGGOT?”, he repeated again and this time he was unmistakably pissed.

Sehun woke up from his angry stupor when he saw the pretty face in front of him forming an incensed mask. He was still angry and disgusted but it was probably a stupid idea to express himself like that. Sehun really hated to lose control.

“What the hell?!”, Luhan exclaimed angrily. “You come here – the Cabaret – a club that very obviously is made for the gay community, and complain about us dancing in female lingerie? That you couldn't enjoy the act on stage – _fine_! But you actually have the audacity to call us disgusting? To throw discriminating names at us? YOU came here. You're a guest in this house, so fucking behave like one! It's not my fault that you mistook the Cabaret for a club for straights. You could have looked it all up on the web page, but I guess you were pretentious and homophobic enough to assume that everywhere you go, you will just find them girls shaking their asses.”

Sehun felt attacked; he slipped into his defense mode. “My friend picked this club, I didn't choose anything here. I got dragged into your revolting gay party for nothing.”

Luhan was in a rage. “Still doesn't give you the right to talk to me like this.” With every aggressive word he shouted, he came a small step closer to Sehun. “I know people like you. You're so full of ignorant ideas and think the whole fucking world has to revolve just around you. As if you're supposed to be the center of the universe, but you're actually stuck behind some stupid desk and have this weird impression that the world owes you a favor or life has cheated on you or some shit.”

“Get away from me!”, Sehun warned when Luhan was now threateningly close.

Just like Sehun ignored him earlier, Luhan ignored Sehun now. “But newsflash, honey! The world doesn't. Absolutely nobody owes you anything, not even your life. What you got is what you get. It's ridiculous that I have to explain this concept to you. I do not and I do not _want to_ know what sort of shitty day you may have had – you fucking treat people with the respect they deserve. So don't even give me that indignant face. This is your problem and yours alone. Stop acting as if I stole an opportunity from you.”

Sehun felt scandalized. How dare this person to speak like this? To him? “At least my honor is still intact.”, he bit back. “Now get away from me!” He pushed Luhan from him, as he was standing too close for Sehun's taste.

Luhan almost lost balance and stumbled back a few steps. He threw an anxious look at that guy who pushed him. Luhan figured this situation to be too dangerous.

At that moment the attendant came back with Sehun's coat and thus thankfully prevented any further escalation.

Sehun grabbed it without a word and with a last huff he made a run for it.

 

~

 

What a horrible day!

Sehun was fucking done for. In his apartment he slumped onto the bed with his cloths still on. Something he actually never did. But his list was so messed up already; it wouldn't make a difference anymore.

The impressions and expressions of the day had exhausted Sehun thoroughly. His plans got shattered into pieces; he had to start anew. But how to? It would take years until the next better position at the newspaper would be free. Sehun felt like crying. All those efforts, all the hard work – for what? 

Sehun hated to admit it, but Luhan's words earlier were nothing but true. He indeed felt like life had cheated on him. His entire adulthood he spent his time shoveling towards the big heap named social expectations. And yes, Sehun expected something in return. He restrained himself so much just to do justice to everything that he was supposed to do. And he really wanted his reward. Society promises you one. If you stick the rules, you will have a happy, ideal life. Something that is apparently considered as desirable. In the past Sehun was forced to take the path of conformity. This path seems to have really dark edges at both sides. The happy, ideal life was waving at him at the end of way. Sehun always wanted to stay on track, never once waver. He had expected to reach his goal soon – at least until today. The path started to struggle and kick him off by himself. Sehun was wavering for the first time. He felt frightened, he didn't want to fall off the path; he wanted his happy, ideal life, he wanted his reward. And when he was wavering, the creatures living down the dark edges already started to crawl up the walls. They reached for him and whispered in his ear.

Sehun didn't want to lose control. He couldn't let the creatures win.

He couldn't let _his_ creature win.

 

When Sehun woke up the next morning, the first thing he realized was, that for the first time in ages he could actually remember what he had been dreaming of. He had been dreaming of dancing corsets, offended eyes and running heels. He had dreamed of his hand running through blonde locks and desperation.

Sehun was confused.

The first thing he did was getting back on track, returning to the list. _Get rid of the dirty clothes from yesterday. Shower. Eat. Watch TV. Call parents. Do work._

Sehun still smelled the scent of the Cabaret and Luhan on his sweater vest. He was disgusted … or actually, he felt _sick_ … 

At breakfast he was very grumpy. He didn't even turn on music. Sehun didn't listen to a lot of music in general, but on weekends he usually turned on the radio for a bit or – when he wanted to feel classy – he listened to some jazz. But not today.

The phone call with his parents was just as awkward and unpleasant as he thought it would be. Sehun really hated lying.

Chanyeol called a few times, but Sehun didn't want to answer it. After that he received some apologetically sounding messages from the other. Sehun didn't want to hear about it. 

Work was the only thing that could get Sehun's mind off his worries. He finally could concentrate on something else other than his own problems – which is actually funny, considering that the work had been the reason for his initial bad situation in the first place. 

You know you're fucked when you have to choose a disaster over a catastrophe.

 

~

 

Monday was gruesome.

He had to go back. He had to face his boss – that ungrateful bastard. He had to face Seohyun again and had to try to not rip her head off from jealousy. He had to face Chanyeol again and the other would surely wanna talk to him, especially after a weekend of ignoring him.

Sehun didn't want to.

But he had to.

That stupid path to a happy, ideal life was hard, steep and exhausting. This week Sehun wondered several times, why he actually was still walking it. Just one week ago his goal seemed so close. Now he got pushed back so many years. He would miss out on his whole life, if he … NO! He _was_ already missing out.

He realized that, when the memories of his time on stage with Luhan forced their way back into his mind. He tried to ignore and ban those embarrassing and uncomfortable thoughts, but they were resistant. And if he was being honest with himself, it wasn't actually _that_ embarrassing and uncomfortable when he had been up their for real. It just seemed like that afterwards. 

Sehun had felt such a rush – a feeling that totally knocked him out of his socks. So much excitement and … _life_ within him. He still didn't know what to do with all these emotions. So these emotions remained – concentrated and unused at a place somewhere close to his heart. They started to grow, to spread in his body, in his brain. Every day of the week, Sehun felt a little more like he was missing something. And it scared him shitless. It felt like a craze slowly breaking through him, breaking the chains, breaking the bars. Everything was still sticking together – only just.

 

Sehun wanted to go back. He didn't admit it, but he wanted to. Something was drawing him there. Maybe he was an adrenalin junkie of some sort. The thrill of the edge may have gotten the best of him. The truth was, that he wanted to see Luhan again. Pretextually he wanted to go to apologize. Luhan had apologized to him in such a polite manner and Sehun had been rude to him. Despite his disgust about the whole … _stuff_ , he didn't want to have the reputation of being an asshole. 

The real reason why he wanted to see Luhan? Sehun himself didn't know. He just knew that the dancer had left quite the impression. How Luhan just read him like an open book – it was eating away on Sehun. The way Luhan vaporized Sehun's whole persona just like that … It made the latter feel insecure and transparent. He wanted to redeem his persona. In front of Luhan and of himself.

 

~

 

It was Friday again and Sehun sat in the Cabaret. He even made a reservation, but in the last row in a corner this time. He's not here for the show (so he tells himself), he's here so he can apologize to Luhan. He was wrong, he knows that now. Luhan's word were urgent enough. They basically hit Sehun right across the face; one of those well-deserved verbal clips round the ear, that actually made you think.

Sehun brought some work with him. He didn't want to catch himself looking at the dancers too much. He needed distraction.

Today was jazz-themed. There had been an opening sequence just like the last time. But instead of a flashy, energetic pop performance, the boys rolled their bodies to the sound of seductive saxophones and promising pianos. 

When a man got invited on stage (this time not by Luhan, but one of the others), it sparked Sehun's interest. He observed how nervous, but obviously pleased about the situation, that guy was. Sehun understood how Luhan could mistake his reaction last Friday for nervousness instead of aversion. That thought made him feel even guiltier. Despite Sehun being problematic, he was actually not a bad person. He was just scared. A lot.

When the guy left the stage he was sporting a blissful smile on his face. He returned to his table, where a group of chanting friends greeted him back. A part of Sehun wished he could have felt the same joy that this man was feeling. He was quite angry at himself.

Sehun wanted to concentrate on his work again until the whole show had finished. Or at least on the food, that he wanted to enjoy this time. But the next act kept Sehun eyes on the stage. It was absolutely impossible to look away. Catcalls could be heard from every part of the audience.

A solo act just by Luhan. The soft piano sound waved through the hall and made the air thick. And when Luhan started singing Melody Gardot's _Your Heart Is As Black As Night_ , Sehun was lost. It was the first time he heard the other sing and, damn, he had lovely voice.

“ _'Cause your hands may be strong,  
But the feelings are wrong._   
_Your heart is as black as night._ ”

Luhan moved his body so gracefully, so enthralling. Yet again Sehun was caught in a conflict between disgust and fascination. As irking as it was – Luhan knew what he was doing. His professionalism was indeed respectable.

Sehun tried to get back to work – he really tried, but every time Luhan came on stage … 

The other's zest for life surrounded him like a halo and seemed to enlighten everyone near him. A shining light in the darkness.

 

~

 

“What are you doing here?”

Sehun looked up from his notepad. After the show had finished, the hall had been bustling with activity. So many people wanted to thank the dancers for their great show – that and other stuff, as Sehun noticed. Thankfully none of the people seemed to mind him still sitting there in the corner, at least until Luhan showed up who waited to talk to Sehun until there weren't any other guests left in the room.

Sehun got a short fright, since he was too engrossed in his article and now the other was standing just a few feet away. Bashfully he laid his notes down. “You saw me?”, he asked rhetorically.

“Yeah, I know you were sitting there for a quite a while. And it's not like I can forget the face of that asshole from last week so easily …”, Luhan's face showed a pretty annoyed expression.

“About that …”, Sehun became very embarrassed. He quickly stood up and bowed. “I would like to apologize. You don't have to accept my apology, but please know that I am sorry. You were right last week. I could have informed myself about the club and it was wrong to let my anger out on you. I know it's not an excuse, but I had indeed a very bad day, just like you correctly assumed. I lost control and swore at you. I even pushed you. I am especially sorry for that.”

Now it was Luhan's turn to look surprised. He didn't know what to expect when he saw that rude guy from last Friday in the audience again, but an apology …?

“You apologized to me and treated me perfectly respectful.”, Sehun continued. “I just want you to know that I accept your apology, even though it probably isn't relevant anymore.” He bowed again.

“Oh … uhm … that was unexpected …”, Luhan offered a conciliatory smile. “I guess … I accept your apology, too. I mean, you even came here again for telling me …”

“I didn't know where else I could talk to you.”

“Yeah … right, uhm- … what's your name, anyways?”

“It's … it's Oh Sehun.” Sehun was surprised that he hasn't told Luhan his name yet.

“Sehun …”, Luhan let the name experimentally roll of his tongue. “I guess you know my name already, but I am Luhan.”

“Luhan, okay.” The corners of Sehun's mouth turned up just with a hint of a smile. “Well, okay … uhm …” He was standing around for a few clueless seconds until he decided to go, since his work was done now.

But Luhan had different plans. “Wait, Sehun. Even at the risk of getting you angry again, when you swore at me last week … you know, _faggot_ and such … Did you mean that?”

Sehun sighed deeply and looked to the floor – caught. “Sorry.”, he muttered. “I just can't help myself.”

Luhan realized that the person standing in front him wasn't quite as typical as he thought he was. Sehun was homophobic – obviously – but he didn't seem to be malicious. He seemed to not liking the idea of being homophobic, knowing that it would hurt Luhan's feelings. It was confusing Luhan a little. “But why?”, he asked. “What have we – what have I – done to make you hate me because of that.”

“I don't hate you.”, Sehun muttered even quieter. _I am scared_ , he thought. “It's just … it's just wrong and you … you sell your body …” It was the best reasoning that he could think of at the moment. Pretty pathetic, I know.

“I don't sell my body.” Luhan sounded offended. “At least not in the way you mean it. I mean, I'm not surprised that you're thinking of me like this. Some guys here sell their bodies, but I don't, okay? It's just not for me. So _don't assume things about people_! Your own words.”

“Yeah, I guess … I … Sorry.” Sehun cheeks turned pink. He actually came here to apologize and now he railed Luhan up again.

“I understand how you get the idea, seeing me dancing in this attire.” Luhan pointed at his corset. “But still … Even if I sold my body, you wouldn't be in the position to judge me because of it. It's my life and my body. And actually non of your business, except of course you'd be interested …” He chuckled lowly.

Sehun shifted uncomfortably.

“So, Sehun … As much as I appreciate you coming here to apologize, if you don't get a grip and continue with your homophobic behavior, you are not welcome here any longer, even though you probably don't wanna come here anymore anyways. Which is kinda sad.”

Sehun – in this moment perfectly aware of his problematic opinions – looked up, surprised. “What … Why is it sad?”

Luhan smiled meekly. “You don't seem like you want to be like that. You don't seem happy with yourself.”

Sehun gulped. “You're doing it again.” His voice was weak.

“What am I doing again?”

“Reading me like a book. How can you do that?”

Luhan lifted an eyebrow. “Oh! I didn't know I'm able to.” An amused glimmer flashed through his eyes. “So you really aren't happy with your life, huh?”

“Uh … I don't think so. But I doubt that you'd be interested in it.”

“Why wouldn't I?” Luhan's mouth curved into a teasing grin.

“Well, _why would you_? I was mean and rude to you. I pushed you. You may have accepted my apology – but why would you waste any more time on such a person?”

“Maybe … you don't seem like a hopeless case to me.” Luhan tilted his head and gave a friendly smile, that strung a chord within Sehun and warmed his heart.

Sehun was dazed. He didn't expect to face such an understanding personality. And so he found himself following Luhan through doors and corridors.

Usually Sehun wouldn't even have thought of doing such a thing. Following a _faggot_ to god-knows-where. However, a week ago his world lost balance so severely, that he was threatening to fall. He was wavering and shaking and grasped at whatever seemed to be balanced, to give strength – and that was Luhan.

 

They were standing on the Cabaret's roof. The building wasn't that high, so the view was occasionally blocked by some higher skyscrapers. But overall, it was a really nice and – more importantly – lonely place.

Luhan was heading straight for a bench near the railing and seated himself.

Sehun pondered whether he should do the same. When Luhan gave him an expecting look, he sat down, but with some space between them.

The air this evening seemed surprisingly fresh, yet pleasantly warm.

Luhan stuck his nose up in the mild breeze and a satisfied smile graced his face. He sighed conveniently and started to untie his heels. When he took them off, he groaned a little. “When you're wearing those shoes for too long, it gets pretty uncomfortable.”, he complained giggling.

“I'm surprised that you can even walk in them.”

“Well, it _does_ take a lot of training.”

“As weird as I think it is, it's pretty impressive.”, Sehun acknowledged.

“Thanks … I guess.” Luhan giggles again. “So what is it with you?”

“Huh?”

“With you and your homophobia.”

“Oh.”

“You _do_ know that phobia means fear, right?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Then, why are you scared?”

“I … I don't know …” Sehun was truly at a loss.

“Then … what exactly is it, that's bothering you about people being gay? And don't tell me, because it's wrong, 'cause that's not an argument.”

“I … I … it's just, because I am not gay and I … I don't-”

“Hey, no one ever said that you have to turn gay because you talk to a gay person. And if you're as straight as you make yourself out to be, there's nothing that you have to be afraid of.”

“Uh … yes … I-I guess so …” Sehun couldn't oppose this. He knew he wasn't in the right position, yet he had such problems to get rid of his way of thinking. “It's just … what you people _do_ , I mean what you practice-”

“You mean the sex?” Luhan laughed amused.

Sehun's cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink.

“First of all, not everyone practices it like you think they are. Secondly, straight people can do that just as well. And thirdly, what other people are doing in bed is non of your business, like I said earlier. And it's also no reason to be afraid.”

“Hm, yeah probably.”

“Sehun! You should try to get rid of your superstitions and prejudices. It won't do you any good, running around with those negative feelings in your heart. Believe me. It's not like I don't understand what's going on in your head right now. I've been at this point, as well.”

Sehun looked up from the floor. “How do you mean that?”

“Well, let's be honest here. Being gay isn't exactly accepted here in East Asia, right? It's getting better, but still. I mean, _you are_ part of that system. And back then, when I still lived in China-”

“You're from China?”

“Of course. Haven't you noticed?”

“Wh- … No.”

“That's funny. Most people recognize me by my name or accent.”

“Your Korean is very good. Now that you say it, I can hear an accent, but it's very subtle.”

“Thanks.” Luhan's eyes lightened up at the compliment. “Anyways, when I still lived in China, it took me a while to learn about these things, to accept them, to realize who I really was, to stand up for myself. I was thinking just like you are probably thinking now. But I managed to change.”

“I see. How long has it been?”

“I left China over ten years ago.”

“Wow. Wait, how old are you?”

“Thirty-one.”

Sehun's eyes almost popped out. “Really? You look so much younger. I would have guessed that you were younger than me.”

“Thanks. Then, how old are you?”

“Twenty-seven.”, Sehun admitted.

Now it was Luhan's turn to be surprised. “Twenty-seven? Yet you have a mind like someone at the age of seventy-two?” He giggled and Sehun looked at him sullenly. “But seriously, though. You look a lot older. Buuuuut …” He moved up the bench until he sat directly next to Sehun. “ … I think that could also be because of those, well, clothes.”

“What is wrong with my clothes?”, Sehun nagged and deliberately smoothed some wrinkles in his pants. “Everyone's complaining about it.”

“Well …”, Luhan giggled. “It's not exactly what I would call fashionable … or fashion at all.” He gave the too-short-pants a critical look. “It kinda looks like your mom is still picking out your clothes for the day.”

“Hmpf … I like my clothes …” Sehun was a little bit agitated because Chanyeol had said a similar thing before.

“But maybe it's also because of _those glasses_ …” Luhan moved up even further and Sehun got nervous. _Too close._

“What about my glasses?”, he asked shakily.

“Maybe you would look less old and grumpy without them.” Sneakily Luhan snatched them from Sehun's nose.

“Hey! What are you playing at?”

Luhan made a surprised “Uh!” sound. “Who would have thought that you'd actually look this good.”

“Er …” Sehun didn't know what to answer. He was pretty snubbed.

Luhan was in awe. This guy was downright gorgeous. A little bit tired and exhausted, and a little bit too grumpy, but aside from that – wow. A straight nose, plum lips, a flawless complexion, phenomenally shaped eyebrows, long lashes. This guy's face was perfect. _What a waste!_

“I … uhm … can I have my glasses back?”, Sehun asked awkwardly.

“Do you need them?”, Luhan asked back in undeniable sass.

“Yes …”

“No!” He put on the glasses. “These are not very strong. I bet you can see pretty good without them.”

“Yeah, I can, but I need them back.”

“Hm.” Luhan gave them back and Sehun hastily put them back on. “Don't wanna be intruding or anything, but why are you wearing them, if you don't even need them most of time? Because a friend of mine has to wear glasses like those too once in a while, in the cinema for example. But other than that, he doesn't wear them and they have about the same strength as yours.”

“I just feel better with them. It makes a better impression at the workplace.”

Luhan huffed. “So, you're wearing glasses to make people think you're professional and smart?” He giggled.

“Yeah, what's the problem?”

“Faaaakeee!”, Luhan sing-songed.

“I'm not fake!”, Sehun retorted.

Oh yes, you are Sehun. And you fucking know it!

Luhan just raised an eyebrow. “Aw, ain't you cute.”, he teased. “And now that sullen face is back.” He giggled his ass off.

“Stop making fun of me!”, Sehun commanded indignantly.

“But you're so easy to make fun of.”

That caught Sehun off guard. _He was easy to make fun of?_ This was an outrage. “What are you saying?! I'm a respectable tax-payer, who lives in an apartment, who diligently goes to work and does his job like he's supposed to. I do everything I can to fulfill my duty as a proper citizen and live a normal life. And I never did something wrong or shady, aside from talking to you, that is.”

“And this is exactly what I'm talkin' about. This will sound a little bit insulting, but you're a laughingstock, a walking cliche. If I you weren't sitting here right in front of me, if somebody told me about you, I'd never believe, that you'd be real. No person can seriously be such a square.”

Sehun was offended. Again. “Better a square than a faggot.”, he grumbled.

“Uh-uh!” Luhan shook his head. He wasn't having that right now. “What did I say?”

“That I'm no longer welcome, if I don't stop my homophobia.” For some reason Sehun really didn't like the thought of being unwelcome.

“Precisely! I'm surprised that this argument actually worked on you. I thought you'd be long gone by now.”

“Well, you were the one who said, that I'm not a hopeless case.”

“Hm … precisely …” Luhan whispered surprised. He was stunned at how good Sehun actually listened and remembered.

“And I thought, maybe it'd be interesting to find out, what you meant by that.”, Sehun explained.

“Okay. I accept that challenge.”

“It wasn't supposed to be a challenge.”

“It is now. And before I start … you insult like a little child, learn some bad words, please. Calling me _faggot_ three times in a row. Fucking uncreative.”

Sehun was offended. AGAIN. Offended because he wasn't offensive enough. _Damn._

Luhan cleared that his throat and swung his legs over the bench an onto Sehun lap.

Sehun cramped and coughed from shock as Luhan's shaved, fish-net-stocking-footed legs landed on his. “Uhm …”

Luhan moved even closer until he was almost cuddled to Sehun.

“Uh-uhm Luhan … c-could you maybe-”

“Chill, big straight boy! My legs are cold.” Luhan stuck out his tongue teasingly. “Sooooo, you don't like being called cliché or being called a square?”

Sehun nodded, still uncomfortable, because … legs … 

“Then tell me something about you. Something that makes me change my opinion. And maybe we'll also find out why you're always being so grumpy.”

“I don't know where to start. I don't know what to tell you.”

“Hm … I'll make it easy for you. You were really pissed last week. Why?”

And so Sehun started telling. About his job, about his boss, about his plans for the future, about the promotion, about Seohyun, about Chanyeol, about everything that had been bothering him in the last two weeks – initially still reluctantly, later on, when he saw the serious, yet warm look on Luhan's face, more willingly and fluently. Even though Luhan had made fun of him earlier, now he didn't and Sehun truly appreciated that. Sehun realized that he never really talked about his life and his problems like that. Sure, he often complained to Chanyeol, but never like this – so comprehensively. Chanyeol would've told him to get a grip and fuck a bitch after a while, but Luhan seemed to be honestly interested. And talking about it like this, formulating it in concrete sentences, it made him see connections between his problems. He realized that there were so many flaws in his believed impeccable life. The insight hit him like a brick.

And Luhan seemingly as well. “So you wanna tell me, that you spend your precious, short life and youth on working for a promotion at a newspaper you hate for a job you don't wanna do to satisfy the expectations of people you don't like? … Man, that's fucked up. Why the hell do you do that?” Luhan looked at him uncomprehendingly.

“If you say it like this, it sounds even worse.”, Sehun stated.

“ _Because it is!_ Don't you wanna live once in a while?”

“I just wanna live my proper life.”

“Proper? What _the fuck_ do you mean by that anyways?”

“It means that I do what I am supposed to do. It means that I don't get in trouble and you are trouble.”

“Why am I trouble?”, Luhan teased with a fake pout.

“You're a dancer in a club. You wear female lingerie and do make-up. And you're gay.”

“And _there_ it is!” Luhan made a big gesture with his arms. “So gay is trouble, huh?”

“Yes.”

“Pity!”

Sehun didn't know what to say. The concept of homosexuality has never ever fit into his list. It was never supposed to be part of it. And now here he was, talking about it.

Suddenly Sehun felt how Luhan huddled together with him. Despite his head screaming in panic and his very extreme degree of discomfort, he didn't push the other away. He noticed the goosebumps that formed on the milky skin and felt the shivers running through Luhan's body.

The wind sure got pretty cold in the last minutes they were talking. They could have stood up and gone back in, but they felt very lazy at the moment. Instead Sehun took off his jacket and draped it over Luhan's shoulders.

“Thank you.”, Luhan muttered surprised and snuggled up into the lining. He wanted to smooth out the fabric, but halted. “Corduroy? For real?”

“What's wrong with corduroy?”

“ _Everything!_ Corduroy i s ew.”

“If you say so …”

The jacket was ugly yet comfortable and so, so warm. It felt really cushy. And it smelled so nice. Sehun's fashion sense was non-existent, his after-shave however, was whole 'nother topic. Luhan didn't really want to take it of again.

They sat on the bench for a while and enjoyed the cool breeze. And just as it softly blew through Luhan's locks and let them flutter, it blew through Sehun and carried his discomfort far, far away.

Sehun felt himself relaxing, calming down. His heart started to beat normal again, the lump in his throat disappeared and he started to feel glad about not being alone this evening. He usually spent his evenings alone, so having company was a pleasant change. While he looked around the glowing lights of Seoul's night, Sehun learned that nothing is horrible anymore once you got used to it.

After some time Luhan attracted Sehun's attention again. “You know …”, he muttered sleepily. “I actually really love living in the big city, but there's one thing that's bothering me.”

“What is it?”

“You can't see the stars at night. Sometimes I spent so much time among these electric lights that I completely forget how a real night sky looks like. It's been so long since I've been outside the city. I think I gotta do that some time soon. When have you last seen the stars? Or did you ever, Sehun?”

When Luhan murmured his name with this soft, sleepy voice, Sehun got a fuzzy feeling in his stomach. “Yes I did, but I don't know when exactly. Now that you're asking … probably a pretty long time ago.” It wasn't the whole truth. Sehun knew exactly the last time he had seen a real night sky. It was the last time he visited his grandparents on the countryside. The went out for a night, because on that evening shooting stars had been supposed to fall. And they did. It was one of the most magnificent things, Sehun had ever witnessed. That happened about a year before he graduated from school. He didn't came to visit after that. He was too busy learning for his final exams and university entrance exams. His grandmother died that same year and his grandfather a few months later. Sehun hasn't seen stars in the sky ever since.

He didn't realize how much he missed it.

 

~

 

After having spent almost half of the night together with Luhan until he finally left at four o'clock in the morning, Sehun felt very lonely. He hasn't enjoyed such a nice company since … too long. When he was with Chanyeol or any other person for that matter, he always felt like they expected him to act and behave a certain way – sometimes more, sometimes less uptight. But he couldn't feel that with Luhan.

Sure, Luhan was explaining, pointing out mistakes, but he didn't pressure Sehun into anything. If Sehun would have said he would like to stay as squary as he was, Luhan would have accepted it, no doubt about that. But Sehun didn't like it, so Luhan offered to help.

Luhan … that _fag-_ … gay person. All of a sudden it didn't seem to bother Sehun anymore and he wondered why.

He tossed and turned the rest of night, not finding any sleep.

Why didn't he run? Why didn't he get angry again? How could he be so calm? Why did he follow Luhan? So many questions and no answers.

Sehun was exclusively living his life like his head told him. It seemed as being near Luhan interfered with that. Suddenly his heart woke up and told him that it still existed.

And here Sehun reached the point of becoming afraid again. He had locked up his heart so carefully. He didn't wanna let it out. The creature, his heart, he couldn't let it out. He just couldn't. He was already losing ground, a few steps closer to the edge and he would fall, his world would shatter and he would sit in front of the fragments that were supposed to be a home and a future.

That's what Sehun thought – perfectly aware that every step farther from Luhan would bring just closer, ultimately. Sehun knew he couldn't run from it. He was still in denial, but he was drawn to Luhan with such a force, a hurricane couldn't have knocked him over harder.

That Friday last week his heart woke up from its long and forced slumber and through the bars of its prison, it could see and feel a shining light. It radiated warmth, hope, life, complacency and poise. All those qualities that Sehun's heart was craving. It had already tasted blood – and wanted more.

To Sehun's heart Luhan was like fire and Sehun himself was freezing to death.

 

~

 

_What's the meaning of life?_

This and other question were bothering Sehun the next morning. Okay, not morning – afternoon. He had slept until 2pm – very unusual. His head spun when he stood up. The recovery-factor of sleeping was basically non-existent. Life is so stressful. So what's the point?

Sehun thought too much this day. This is not meant to be offensive, but usually he never thought or reconsidered much. He was an A-class conformist with a list for life. But what he had lived so far wasn't life; he realized that now. He had avoided to live life. But how would he be able to combine both life and list? Was it even possible? One of both would always have to suffer. And a suffering list wasn't an option. Luhan may have opened his eyes to a certain degree, but not this far.

 

The next thing Sehun noticed was, that he must have forgotten the corduroy jacket with Luhan yesterday. The latter still wore it when Sehun said goodbye since he was cold and shivering. Sehun needed to get his jacket back, it was one of the better ones he owned. He would have to go back to the Cabaret – again. 

He didn't plan this. This was very unfavorable. He knew that sooner or later he would have gone back to see Luhan anyway, but he still had problems admitting it. He didn't want to seem like a freshly hooked addict.

Now he still had to go back – a lot sooner than planned.

Maybe – _just maybe_ – he had forgotten his jacket on purpose …

 

The problem this time was, that he didn't make a reservation. And it was Saturday evening. There was no way in hell he would be able to get in. When the night had fallen he left for the Cabaret nevertheless. 

Now he stood in a mass of frustrated, dreamy and horny dudes and felt like he hit rock bottom. If anyone he knew saw him standing there … 

The program always went on for three hours until one o'clock. Every full hour they would make a short break. During that break the guests had the chance to go to toilet or whatever – or to leave if they wanted to. So these were the times where they would let in other waiting men to get the now available seats to see the rest of the show. The last change took place at midnight.

Sehun waited in line for two hours until he had the chance to finally get in at that last change. He felt pathetic.

Today was modern pop evening again and Sehun got to see parts of the program he had missed out on that infamous Friday last week. As a group they performed another Lady Gaga song – _G.U.Y._ this time. Sehun had heard that song on the radio quite a few times and he had to admit that he really like that one even though he scarcely listened to such danceable tunes, because of … reasons … 

He sat on a single table at the left corner directly in front of the stage. He didn't want to sit there. It was too close.

And of course he couldn't leave his eyes of Luhan. Sehun was surprised to feel a growing respect for the other. From a professional point of view the choreography was pretty sophisticated and the dancers were perfectly in sync. One could see the hours of training that must have went into that single act alone. The movements of the dancers were precise and experienced – every little swing with the hips could kill anyone who liked that stuff.

Sehun didn't like it … or did he?

Well, Luhan and the others were great dancers. He couldn't discuss about this much. Somehow that bothered him and at the same time it made him feel oddly relieved.

It didn't take Luhan long to notice Sehun sitting in the audience again- and this time even right in front of him. Someone was being very eager – Luhan liked it!

And soon enough Sehun noticed that Luhan noticed him being there. Sehun gulped. Not good.

Luhan flashed a teasing smile at his direction. The guys sitting behind Sehun oohed. Next, Luhan broke out of the perfect choreography and strutted towards him with the bass carrying his every step. His hips swung delectably and his posture oozed self-confidence. He stood at the edge of the stage and took the final step to stand right on Sehun's table.

_Oh god._ Sehun wanted to disappear. Why did Luhan do this again? _Why?_

He glanced up to the dancer. He actually planned to meet those mischievously sparkling eyes, but the lacey string and straps stretching around the perky butt got in the way somehow.

_No! Don't look!_ Sehun forced himself to look elsewhere. And that happened to be the others lips that moved so enticingly while singing. Occasionally a pink tongue darted out and left those lips shining and glimmering under the flashlight.

“ _I don't need to be on top  
To know I'm wanted 'cause I'm strong enough to know the truth.”_

Luhan turned directly towards Sehun, pinned him to his chair with a high heel mildly pressed against the latter's trembling chest and shot a knowingly superior, frivolous look at him.

“ _I just want it to be hot  
Because I'm blessed when I'm in love and I'm in love with you.”_

Sehun's face was blazing hot, his heart was boiling. Adrenalin was rushing through him and lifted him out of reality. Or maybe it pushed him back in. He trembled uncontrollably. What was happening?

Luhan rolled his hips alluringly and touched his body indecently until the song signalized the start of the last chorus. With a last cheeky grin directed at Sehun, he jumped back on the main stage.

Sehun felt like a comet had slayed him: FUCKING DEAD!

 

“So you came back again!” Luhan looked at Sehun expectantly. “You're really being serious, huh …”

Sehun didn't answer. He blindly stared past the other at the ceiling, still completely dazed.

After the last guest left, Luhan had planted his ass on Sehun's table to talk to him but the younger didn't seem very talkative today.

“Yo, straight boy!” Luhan threw an angry olive at Sehun, that he had snatched from the latter's martini glass. “Look at me! Speak to me!”

That shook Sehun out of his daydreams. “Ehhh, why did you throw that?” His eyes glowed disapprovingly while he tried to get the stain of his shirt with a handkerchief.

“You didn't react.”, Luhan answered simply. “So why did you come back? Like the show?”

“What?! Of course not!” How could Luhan just assume this. “I forgot my jacket yesterday.”

“Aww, why don't you just say that right way. You should be careful. I might get the impression that you miss me.” Mischief oozed from his smile.

“Haha, very funny.”

“What's the problem with you again. Yesterday night, when you left, we were actually talking like decent people and you seemed to have a good mood. Now you're coming back and you're as grumpy as ever. What's bothering you so much? Why is your life so frustrating that you're constantly having a bad mood?”, Luhan started to ramble. “You told me yesterday, but I don't think, that it was everything – I mean, of course not, we've just seen each other three times – but seriously! What you told me yesterday seems more like the last straw to me. So what is with you? Talk to me! Let me help you! I am sitting here, offering you my services as your personal substitute psychologist, please! And I don't even charge!”

Sehun was stunned. “Uhm … I … uhm … okay … But … I really forgot my jacket, though …”

 

“Kay-kay-kay … So were did I put it?”, Luhan wondered while he searched for Sehun's jacket.

Currently the two stood in Luhan's personal dressing room – well, Sehun stood. Luhan bustled about the room, looking in every corner. In the meantime he had taken his high heels off and Sehun realized how much smaller the other was without them, at least half a head – probably more.

Sehun didn't know what to do, so his eyes wandered around. He didn't feel as comfortable around Luhan anymore, which was weird, even to him. Yesterday he indeed relaxed around the dancer and got accustomed to the lingerie and the gayness – or so he thought. Apparently it didn't work that fast.

The table dance was a little bit too much for starters and this dressing room was really small. The rooftop the day before had at least been an open area. It didn't seem as intrusive and intimate as this situation now.

“Ooh, I found it. Must have fallen from coffer.” Luhan picked up the despicable corduroy jacket from behind a big chest with feather boas hanging out and handed it over to Sehun. “Sorry, it's a little bit dusty now.”

“It's okay.”, Sehun muttered. Just when he wanted to take it back, Luhan's grip tightened around the fabric.

“But … uhm … can I keep it?”, he asked with big eyes.

“Whut?! Why?”

“It's so comfortable and warm.”

“You said corduroy is ew.”

“Yeah, but the lining is so cozy.”

They stared at each other, both hands tightly closed around the corduroy.

Sehun gave up. “Fine. Keep it!” He sounded annoyed.

“Aw, did I piss you off again?”, Luhan asked concerned.

Sehun didn't want to be pissed off by Luhan. He wanted to be okay with Luhan. “No, it's just .. that's why I came and now it was in vain.”

“But it's not in vain! What are you talking about? You met me again!” Luhan grinned.

Sehun huffed. “Oh man … you got an ego … THIS big!” He showed a great span with his arms.

“And you are adorable. Those gestures … Aw.”

Sehun felt very demasculinized and he didn't like it. 

Luhan must have seen Sehun grumpy face again, so he just tipped at Sehun's chin. “Heads up! Don't take everything I'm saying so seriously. I'm just teasing you. Just like earlier during the performance. There's no reason to feel personally attacked about it.”

“Yeah, about that …”, Sehun muttered and blushed. “Why did you have to do that? It felt so indecent …” He looked down, pretty angry at himself. He wanted to sound more pissed, but somehow Luhan's personality disarmed him completely.

“Awwww, aren't you a cutie pie.”, the other cooed. “Indecent … nah!” He came close to Sehun and looked up into his eyes. “ _This_ is indecent.” He sneaked an arm around Sehun's waist and let the other hand rest just above the latter's crotch, slowly sliding down.

Sehun choked and squeaked in surprise. Hastily he retreated from Luhan and pushed himself against the door. “Wh-What are y-you doing?”

“Calm down, straight boy. Just a demonstration. Just wanted to show that the dance was completely innocent.

_Innocent?_ Sehun realized, that apparently him and Luhan must have different definitions of that term. “You know I am not like that. Why do you keep on making me uncomfortable? I should just go …”, he complained.

“Oh noooo.”, Luah whined. “Don't go. And like I said, I'm just teasing you.” he grinned another heartwarming smile. “You should know that I'm just joking. Don't let yourself get bothered by my actions so much. Don't let yourself get bothered by _any_ action that much. Not everyone is plotting some evil agenda against you.”

Sehun calmed down.  _Okay, Luhan was just joking._

“Sehun, why don't you take a seat or do you like to stand all the time?” Luhan raised an eyebrow and pointed at a chair next to the vintage dressing table.

Sehun cleared his throat and awkwardly sat down.

“So … what pissed you off today?” Luhan began with an expectant look. “Why were you so grumpy again?”

“Don't know … just life in general, I guess …” Deep down Sehun knew that this wasn't true. It wasn't life that pissed him off, it was the life he was denied.

“Oh c'mon … nobody just hates life, you gotta have a reason …” While speaking he started to untie his corset and Sehun's eyes became the size of saucers.

“Wa-Wait, why are you undressing?” Sehun face went bright red.

“'Cause I can't run around in lingerie all day, man.” He took of the corset.

Sehun got a clear view of Luhan's well shaped chest and muscular stomach. He wanted to die. “But why do you have to-”

“Chill! If you're as straight as you make yourself out to be, it shouldn't be bothering you, right?” 

The knowing, mischievous glint in Luhan's eyes made Sehun want to disappear. He sunk in the chair and didn't utter a single a sound. He tried to keep his eyes focused on the floor, but they just didn't listen. Every few seconds they would look back at Luhan removing the straps and stockings. Sehun's head felt so hot. Okay, not just his head – literally everything! He couldn't keep his eyes of the toned thighs, of the stretching muscles on Luhan's back. He gulped.

When Luhan had changed into a simple shirt and sweat pants, he looked a lot more masculine all of a sudden and that hit Sehun hard. It shouldn't be surprising him that much, but it did.

“Oh, boy!”, Luhan said when he saw the tense face. “You look like you ate a lemon raw – pun not intended. Seriously, relax!” He knelt down in front of the dressing table and took a bottle of some high-proof liquor out of a mini fridge. “Need a drink?”

Sehun nodded silently. He already drank a martini but that was unimportant now. He needed to get more calm to better deal with everything that was Luhan.

Luhan poured him a glass.

Sehun drowned it in one go.

Luhan eyed him critically. “Easy, boy. No need to panic because of me undressing. I'm not gonna eat you.”

_Oh Luhan, why you fuckin' lying?_

 

 

~

 

 

I hope you liked this chapter.

~ Freeza :D


	3. Chapter 3

~

 

 

**CHAPTER 3**

 

 

One hour later and the two of them were  _fucking drunk_ . Their tongues became loose in the meantime as well. Luhan told anecdotes from his time working at the cabaret and Sehun offered the-very-best-of-awkward-moments as a journalist in return. They laughed and giggled and Sehun couldn't recall the time he last had felt this joyful and at ease.

Somehow Luhan ended up on Sehun's lap. Sehun didn't care. In fact he liked it. Luhan felt like an exuberant, little flame on his legs. His own, personal fire that warmed his heart.

With his glass of liquor Luhan snuggled into Sehun's neck. “Hmm …”, he purred. “You're smelling so nice again.”

“Huh?” Sehun was confused.

“You smell nice.”, Luhan repeated.

“Oh!”

“Yeah …” Luhan looked into Sehun's eyes – the tension almost bursting the room. “But again those glasses …” He took them of Sehun's nose.

This time Sehun didn't complain. He was too fascinated by the pinkish tongue that darted across Luhan's lips.

Luhan examined Sehun's appearance thoroughly and concentrated. “And this hair … is irksome …”

“What, why?”

“It's just … Did you wallpaper your hair at your skin?” He started to run his fingers through Sehun jelled hair and get it a little bit more messy – well, at least he tried to.

Sehun wanted to defend himself, but Luhan's hands felt so pleasant, that he chose not to.

When the strands finally hung over Sehun's eyes and looked wonderfully disheveled, Luhan was satisfied. More than just satisfied, actually. He made a squeaky little noise at the back of his throat.  _Oh yes, Sehun can rock this look. Damn!_ “Wow.”, he mused in amazement. “You look hot.”

Sehun made a surprised “Huh?”.

“Really, really hot …” Luhan licked his lips. He slowly moved forward until his forehead touched Sehun's. “Very tasty …”, he breathed seductively.

The latter's breath got stuck in his throat. “You said you wouldn't eat me.”

“Well, maybe …” Luhan changed his position on Sehun's lap so that his legs hung down to both sides and his hips were placed right above the younger's. “ … I lied.”

“But you … but you … but I …”, Sehun tried to complain helplessly but didn't seem to be opposing the situation in any other way. In this very moment he felt paralyzed. His heart and his mind crashed against each other and fought destructively.

“Shhhhhh …” Luhan placed a finger on Sehun's lips. “Why are you restraining yourself so much? I know you wanna sit here. You know you wanna sit here …”

“Because I .. be-because …”, Sehun stammered. He didn't know what to do. His body shivered and shook. “I can't. I just can't. I'm not … This is not …”

“Of course you can.”, Luhan whispered close to his mouth, the warm breath hitting Sehun's lips.

A desperate sob came from the latter's throat.

“Shhhhh …” Luhan laid a calming, warm hand on Sehun's tense neck and pulled him closer. “So … you're a super straight boy, right …”

Sehun nodded frantically.

“And kissing _one_ guy, won't make you gay … if you're so super straight … right?”, Luhan suggested in a luring tone of voice.

Sehun was too drunk to think about this. “… Probably not …”

“Uh-huh, think so too …” And with these words Luhan softly lowered his lips on Sehun's.

Sehun was unable to move. And even if he hadn't been, he wouldn't have known what to do.  _Because how do you kiss a guy?_ He tried to follow Luhan's movements. But he was too overwhelmed by everything anyways. Luhan's mouth felt electrifying – like an energy drink for Sehun's soul. His heart was roaring in joy. It felt so free, so unleashed, so daring and so compelled. It was at the verge of jumping out of Sehun's trembling chest.

Luhan's hand tightened around Sehun's neck and a second hand got back to messing up the jelled hair. He moved his lips lightly, not wanting to scare Sehun of, but the latter didn't seem to run away anytime soon, so he deepened the kiss. He nibbled at Sehun's lower lip and let his tongue slip out for a quick second to lick across it.

That was the point when life returned to Sehun's body. Like a kick start it flashed through him. A deep groan erupted from his throat, that had Luhan's heart fluttering. Hesitantly he placed a hand on the latter's hip and pulled him closer. Not a single piece of paper would have fit in between their bodies. His other hand slowly climbed up Luhan's waist, chest, neck and up into that fluffy hair that Sehun wanted to feel beneath his fingers so desperately.

He dared to kiss back. He felt scandalized and disgusted with himself, yet so thrilled and ecstatic at the same time. He sat there; he was kissing Luhan. And why? Because he had the urge to. Because it felt good. Oh, it felt  _so good_ .

He hadn't had such intimate contact with another human being in such a long time. He felt like dying from thirst and Luhan was the fountain of life. So he drank it down. Eagerly, greedily.

He moved his lips carefully and followed Luhan's lead, not wanting to make an embarrassing mistake. Luhan's tongue was pushing against his and he shivered.  _Could he dare …?_ He could. Sehun opened his mouth hesitantly. Their tongues met in the middle and a moan left their throats.

“Sehun …”, Luhan breathed into the kiss and Sehun got a very warm, fuzzy feeling in his belly.

While their tongues continued to slickly dance around and explore every corner of each others mouths, Luhan began to circle his hips – slowly and experienced.

Sehun's breath hitched when he noticed what was happening. The rising sensation in his pants caught him off guard. He couldn't be seriously getting a boner for another guy, could he? Even in his daze he wanted to say something, but a particularly hard roll of Luhan's hip had him throwing his head back and letting out a growled “Fuck!”.

“Oh wow …”, Luhan giggled. “You're cursing. That's kinda hot, too.” He began to nibble at Sehun earlobe and worked his way down his neck.

Sehun didn't know what to do with himself. The sensation of Luhan's lips and tongue moving and kissing on his skin felt so uplifting and surreal to him. Every touched spot seemed to be burning and aching for more.

A hand sneaked down to touch Sehun's groin.

Sehun squealed. “Luhan, the fuck are you doin'?”

“Eating you up!”, Luhan answered sassily while circling his tongue around Sehun's Adam's apple and simultaneously zipping up the the latter's pants.

“Luhan, wait-”

Luhan slid down from Sehun's lap and in between the others legs, facing the crotch.

“Luhan, what? No …”, Sehun babbled, realizing what the other was about to do.

“Really?”, Luhan asked mischievously. “You want me to stop with that erection of yours?” He pointed at the bulge in Sehun's pants.

Sehun flushed red. “Bu-bu-bu-but … I …”

“Relax. Nothing a girl couldn't do as well. And I'll be good, I promise.” He winked and grabbed Sehun's package through the fabric and began to fondle it.

So, now the problem was, that to some degree Sehun didn't want this. But at the same time he very much did. The picture of Luhan kneeling between his legs with his big eyes, loose strands of blonde hair and lips swollen from the kiss – it was almost too much to handle. Plus, he was fucking horny.

Luhan felt the resistance disappear. “Consider this a favor. Some people would pay a lot of money for this.”

“I thought you don't sell your body.” Sehun muttered with a hammering heart.

“True, I don't.” And with these words Luhan pulled down Sehun boxers.

A rock hard erection sprung in his face.

Luhan took a hold at the base and began stroking the lengthy, thick shaft in languid movements. “Nice …”, he commented at the size. 

Sehun's face felt like burning. He was so embarrassed at the moment, but the touch of Luhan's fingers wiped every ounce of shame, logic and doubt out of his brain. A keen moan escaped from his lips.

With his eyes interlocked with Sehun's, Luhan lowered his lips and kissed the head.

Sehun died.

Luhan's tongue began licking and slicking the cock up and down. He sucked and kissed at every part.  _What a nice dick_ , he thought.  _So many things that you could do with it …_ He took it in his mouth.

Sehun resurrected. 

And holy fucking shit! Luhan's mouth was awesome. The way he hollowed his cheeks, the way he bobbed his head up and down pushed Sehun so fast so close to the edge. Panting he sat in his chair, sweat forming on his forehead and rolling down his face and neck.

Luhan's eyes sparkled with lust and desire, while his lips stretched around the girth. The picture burned itself into Sehun's retina.  _This man is everything, he deserves everything_ , those were the thoughts that flashed through Sehun's mind in that moment.

A specifically hard suck got Sehun moaning out again. “Fuck … Lu ... I think I'm gonna-”

A last lick at the head and he came. The edge was calling and he jumped.

Spurts of cum hit Luhan's face.

And – fuck – Sehun was down for. For real, this time. “Gosh …”, he groaned, panting hard. “That was … fuck …”

Luhan looked at Sehun salaciously. His tongue darted out to lick across his lips and reached a few drops of cum. He swallowed.  _FUCK!_

 

This evening Sehun ran home – yes, ran! He felt so many things at once, like a storm that broke loose within him. He had no idea how to deal with all of these emotions.

He was disgusted. With himself and Luhan. What had they done? How could Sehun let such a disreputable thing happen? And how could Luhan dare to push him this far? And even more important: Why did he like it?

He was scared, because of exactly that last question. He did like it, there was no point in denying that. But what did that tell about him? He didn't want to know the answer. He didn't want to face the consequences that the answer would bring.

He was satisfied. Quite honestly, he hadn't come this hard in ages. And after having had his hand as the only helper for a few years, this had felt like the biggest relieve on earth.

He was fascinated. Luhan had him in awe. He wanted to fight it and he honestly tried to, but it didn't work out – not a single time. Luhan wiped away all of Sehun's guard and persona with just a blink of his big, sparkling eyes. Sehun felt so vulnerable and exposed around him, yet so secure and understood at the same time. Luhan made such a trustworthy impression on him. He couldn't _not_ tell him about his day and everything that bothered him. Luhan seemed so just and rational. He judged ideas, not people. In Luhan's eyes people made mistakes and could change. He could differentiate – a quality that made him stick out from most people. Sehun was drawn to such a personality for he felt so accepted in Luhan's presence, even though he didn't present himself that way. Luhan's genuineness intrigued him and he didn't know how to stop it – in fact, he didn't want it to stop.

These thoughts messed with Sehun's head that night and the next day. So many more or less biased arguments he tried to balance out within himself.

Ultimately, Sehun felt so very confused.

 

~

 

Sehun angrily slammed the door of newspaper's bureau shut. A few startled co-workers followed him with their eyes. He was really hopping mad this day.

Earlier he had to interview some old ladies on their opinions on a local, progressive politician's opinion to finally pass a law regarding the legalization of gay marriage. Of course the old ladies were enraged – homosexuality was a disease and it's probably the fault of all the foreigners and shit like that … Sehun had to listen to their repetitive rambling for at least half an hour and he got more and more aggressive by the second. It wasn't his idea to make these interviews. His boss thought it would be such a great idea to have some senior citizens' opinions on the whole issue. It felt like such a waste of time to Sehun. Fucking. Useless. Especially after having spent some time with Luhan and getting a bl- … a blow- … a blowjob from him, he didn't feel comfortable with this topic and those hateful opinions at all. Luhan surely changed Sehun's views quite a bit.

Speaking of Luhan, he didn't contact the older since the … incident. It's not because he didn't want to see Luhan anymore or because he was too full of disgust and hate; he really needed some time for himself now. He needed time to think without any influence on that. His confusion really got the best of him. Sehun realized that he had to get his mind straight – or not. Well, but that was exactly the question. He also didn't contact Luhan, because he didn't know how. They never exchanged numbers or anything.

Exhausted from work and life he slumped into the chair in his office and sighed deeply. This job would surely ruin every kind, empathetic cell in his body and leave behind a broiling mass of resentment and saltiness, regretting every important life decision ever. He thought this would be the way to go, the way to happiness – the only remaining way to happiness, that is. But he was wrong. He saw it, he heard it, he felt it, when he was with Luhan. There was a different way, the same way that Luhan chose. It was tempting for Sehun to just linger around, daydreaming about what if … Sehun wished he could be like Luhan. The older seemed so confident, so brave, so free … Luhan wasn't unhappy with his life and that was the reason why he could deal with an angry, insulting Sehun so easily, why he knew, what Sehun needed to hear, why he didn't waver in his position.

The stamping feet of his boss pulled Sehun out of his thoughts. Mr Kwon dropped some papers on Sehun's desk. “Here, Mr Oh, I would like you to write an article about that. Nothing important, but the people talk about it.”

Sehun pursed his lips and leafed through the documents and prints. “Sir, with all due respect, these ain't even verified sources. This is all … trash …”, Sehun answered with a dumbfounded expression.

“I know.”, replied Mr Kwon unimpressed. “But what can I do? People wanna hear this shit.”

“Sir, this has absolutely nothing to do with professional journalism.”

“Professional journalism? Ha!” He faked an amused laughter. “Sehun, Sehun, Sehun … Don't even mention it to me.”

“But sir, our professional honor-”

“Blablabla … People wanna read, you write it, Sehun. That's how it works. Bread and circuses for the people, you remember? And if the people are dumb enough to believe that shit, let them. Doesn't bother me and shouldn't bother you, too.”

Sehun huffed. _Unbelievable._

“You got those interviews on the faggot-stuff finished?”

“Yes, sir.” Sehun pointed at his recorders.

“Good, good. I expect the article to be finished by tomorrow morning. I want it to be the headline of the Wednesday issue, 'kay?”

Sehun nodded, already fearing the mountain of work.

“Maybe you could also think a dramatic headline. Something along the lines of _Korea is turning gay_ or _The faggot-invasion_. I want the people to buy this shit.”

“Yes sir, I'll try my best.”

“Yeah, please do that, Mr Oh! I feel like your articles are kinda lacking lately. You don't seem to be putting in the same amount of effort anymore. Why could that be?”

Sehun gulped. “Yeah, why could that be?”, he muttered under his breath.

“What did you say?”, asked Mr Kwon inquisitively.

“Nothing, sir! I'll try my best, I promise.”

“Yes, let's hope so.” The threat in Mr Kwon's voice was obvious.

When his boss stamped out of the office, making more noise than a damn train, Sehun rested his head in his hands. He was really unhappy.

 

Later that day, while Sehun was busy bullshitting an article, Chanyeol burst into his office.

“Dude, look!”, he began.

“Chanyeol, I'm busy.” Sehun turned him down even before the older could utter an explanation.

“Please, Sehun. You've been ignoring me since over a week now and I feel awful.”

“Chanyeol, can we talk about this later? As you can see, I'm really busy right now.” Sehun sounded annoyed.

“So you can outrun me again? No, forget it. Look, I know it's my fault. I carried you to that cabaret and if I didn't, you wouldn't have needed to go up that stage with those faggots. I'm sorry, man. You can be angry at me as much as you want, but please don't ignore me anymore. I should've looked that club up instead of going there blindly. It's my fault.”

Sehun sighed. “To be honest, Chanyeol, it's not your fault – well, not completely at least. I could've looked it up as well. And my reaction there was too extreme. If I would've dealt with it in a more relaxed manner, maybe I wouldn't have been so pissed.”

“Huh? … Since when … do you admit making a mistake …”

“Uh, well …” Sehun blushed deeply.

“You usually blame everyone else.”

“Yeah, just keep rubbin' my nose in it …”

“You changed, man … for the better …” Chanyeol sat down on the chair in front of Sehun's desk.

“Thanks … I guess …” Sehun sighed again. “Those damn articles, I swear …”

“Huh, what you gotta write?”

“Some nonsense of old people's irrelevant opinion's, as if it would concern them in any way … Most of them wouldn't even live to see the legalization of that stuff … And this shit!” Sehun pointed at Mr Kwon's paper's.

“What's this?” Chanyeol skimmed them and broke out into disbelieving laughter. “Illuminati? For real? Like …”

“I know …”, Sehun groaned. “Like this I'll never have a chance to become a renowned journalist anyways. Writing conspiracy shit …” He turned up his nose on it.

“Dude, like … that's harsh.” Chanyeol laid the papers back on the table and whispered: “I swear, that old man's gotta hate you.”

“Probably. Well, it would explain a lot of things.”

“Hey you got anything to do on – WAIT, WHAT IS THAT?”

Sehun looked at Chanyeol, startled. “What is what?”

“This!”, he pointed at some blueish shimmering hickeys on Sehun's neck. “You got laid, dude. Yooooooooo!”

Sehun flushed bright pink as he tried to cover up the hickeys.

“And I thought you'd stay a virgin forever.”

“Hey, I wasn't virgin …”, Sehun retorted.

“Yeah … Sure … But was she hot?” Chanyeol grinned at him eagerly.

“Errrrr …” Sehun hated lying. “Kinda … yeah … but it's not like that …”

After that Chanyeol tried to press information about those ominous hickeys out of him, but Sehun stood firm. However, he accepted that forgiving his best friend was probably a good idea, considering that he wasn't even that pissed anymore. In fact, it might have been a really good thing.

 

~

 

A frustrating week lay behind Sehun. One stupid, pointless article followed the next. With every hour of work he got closer to losing his mind.

The funny thing about it was, that he had to write these exact same articles before he met Luhan, but somehow it hadn't bothered him as much. Now it did and it was one of the most infuriating things Sehun ever experienced in is life. Realizing in what sort of ridiculous delusion you lived your life until this point … Sehun wanted to tear his world apart. Just erase everything that bothered him and do what he likes.

But … he couldn't. He had studied journalism. It's all he knew, it's what he learned. And changing his career? Or just change the company? In THIS economy?

If he would quit – and he thought about that quite often lately – there would be no source of income. And he needed money to live … 

 

At night Sehun frequently laid awake for many hours. His thoughts and fantasies revolved around a certain crossdressing dancer. There was no way in denying it anymore. Despite meeting him just three times, Sehun was sure that he was attracted to the man – to his body as well as his personality. Pictures of Luhan sucking his cock again haunted him at night and he would wake up the next morning, having jizzed in his pants. And occasionally, when Sehun felt very lonely and private, his mind would go even farther. He imagined having Luhan beneath him, wantonly writhing and moaning his name, eyes sparkling full of lust. The images made Sehun's heart flutter and head swim. His insides turned so hot. They longed for implementation.

Meanwhile Sehun was deeply caught in his existential crisis. Was he gay? Was he … a faggot, too? Was his whole life a lie? It probably was. But having learned and grown accustomed to the fact that being gay is wrong, it was really hard for him to even consider the possibility. He thought, that he most likely was able to learn to accept homosexuals or people of any other sexuality, for that matter. He got to know Luhan and he seemed like a perfectly reasonable and kind human being to Sehun. Sure, the whole lingerie stuff was something he had to get used to, but that was just Luhan's … well, profession. But there wasn't actually anything disgusting about him as person. And Sehun was convinced that the other dancers were normal people, too. The more his heart became accepting, the less hateful and heavy it got. So, despite having stress with his job, he didn't feel as hopeless, grim and dogged anymore. He felt more at peace with the world and himself.

 

On this exhausting week's Saturday, Sehun strolled through a convenience store; he didn't have any instant ramyun anymore. After having finished his last article for the week early in the morning, he was free for today and wondered what to do with his time. 

He had the urge run to the Cabaret, to see Luhan again. However, he still couldn't properly get on with the idea of feeling … _something_ for the other male. Also, how was he supposed to approach Luhan after what happened last time. After he had come down from his high, he made a run for it, stumbling and stuttering and utterly thrown off. So what was he supposed to say to Luhan next time? Thank you? Sorry? A stupid justification? And would all of that even have an effect on Luhan? The latter seemed to be able to read Sehun's mind, so why even trying?

Sehun's hand reached out for a package of noodles, when his fingers clashed with the hand of another person. “Sorry.”, he muttered qickly.

“Sehun?”, asked a disbelieving, familiar voice.

Sehun turned to the side and at first he didn't even recognize the person standing there – a youthful man in casual clothing with sparkling eyes … Wait! “Luhan?”

“In person. Now that's a funny coincidence to meet you here.” He giggled amused. “What's going on? You look so confused.”

“Uh …” It was Sehun's first time seeing Luhan without make-up and he was shocked to see how normal the other looked – well, not exactly normal, his face was still stunning. It seemed a little more masculine, though. “I … am just surprised … to see you in this attire.”

“You mean normal clothing and bare face?” Luhan grinned teasingly. “Yeah, I guess that must be quite a change for you. But, you know, I _am_ an actual person. Not some dream figure, 'kay?” He winked at Sehun – very much aware of the effect he had on him – and the latter flushed red.

“I-It's just … I thought … well, I always assumed … because of the female lingerie and … I just thought, that you … well …”, he stuttered uncohorently.

“… That I'd rather be a woman?”, Luhan guessed.

Sehun nodded embarrassed.

“Okay, you see … I can't really blame for thinking like this. You barely know anything about these concepts, so how are you supposed to think differently? But no! I am perfectly fine with being a man. I just really like to dress up and I find female clothing, especially lingerie, very pleasing to wear.” He lifted his hands in a nonchalant “tcha”-pose. “And maybe it'd be better to talk about this stuff somewhere else other than a convenience store.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“Where could we go?”

“My apartment is close.”

“Okay.”, Luhan smiled satisfied and Sehun realized that he just invited the other into his home. _Oh, shit._

 

“Hey, Sehun, I don't wanna be rude or anything but your apartment is really fucking boring.”, Luhan declared after looking around in the other's living room.

“I know.”, Sehun sighed.

“You know it?” Luhan raised an eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“And you still wanna keep it that way? Why?”

Sehun shrugged. “Don't know. I guess, it's easier to forget what I'm missing …” Right after he said that, he wished he didn't.

“Missing? What are you missing?” Luhan's curiosity was awakened.

“… Stuff …”, Sehun answered meekly.

“A little bit more precision, please.”

“Nothing … just some … stuff from the past …”

Luhan knew he was on to something here. “Past?”

“Well, it's … it's dumb and ridiculous. I'm afraid I might get a little bit too nostalgic, if I think about it too much. And nostalgia isn't good. I can't change the past. It's distracting.”

“Distracting from what?”

“Uhm … My life and my plans. 

“What plans?”

“Well … you know … the usual.” Sehun blushed.

“The usual? What is a usual life?”

Sehun blushed even harder. “You know … promotion, a house, wife and kids … the usual …”

“Wife and kids … huh …”, Luhan whispered to himself. He then looked looked into Sehun's eyes and the latter could have sworn, that he saw a hint of sadness. “That's your idea of an ideal life?”, the dancer asked dejectedly.

Sehun saw the emotions wavering behind Luhan's eyes. “Y-Yeah …”, he muttered with a dry throat.

“And are you currently pursuing that path?”

“Y-Y-Yeah …”

“But does it make you happy?”

Sehun felt like his insides were turning into ice. He had the urge to puke. He gulped. _But did it make him happy?_

Just at that moment Luhan's stomach growled and Sehun thankfully accepted that wonderful excuse to end the conversation. “You're hungry. I'm gonna cook us something.”

 

Luhan was surprised that Sehun's cooked food was actually edible.

He realized, that he reached out to a point within Sehun that seemed to be the source of all evil. And Sehun instantly shut down. Obviously it was a delicate topic. Something really dream-shattering must have happened in the journalist's life. So dream-shattering, that he forgot to be happy in the process.

Luhan was determined to break that wall that held back Sehun's memories and aspirations. He was convinced that Sehun would be a wonderful person if he'd just let go of all the negative things that dragged him down. Luhan wanted to free him. The reason for this determination was quite obvious. Luhan himself went through that harsh phase in his life when he was around the age of twenty. His parents condemned his homosexuality as well as many of his so-called friends. He had to make an important decision – the right one, he thought. But what was right under these circumstances? Sehun had apparently chosen the other path, the one that Luhan avoided. If he hadn't decided the way he did, he'd probably be a stockbroker by now, speculating on water resources in Africa and watching the local water prices skyrocket, because it'd just be such a _dandy_ investment for the future, not caring if any more children died from thirst. So what was the wrong decision here? To Luhan it was obvious. But who was he to judge other people on their life choices? So usually he didn't care for the other people – but Sehun was special. Sure, there was his underlying homosexuality or bisexuality, that he hadn't been aware of so far (or maybe he had been aware and suppressed it), but to Luhan that didn't seem like the actual problem with Sehun – more like a by-product of something else.

Now he debated on how he could approach Sehun, so that the latter opened up to Luhan. He didn't want to push the man too much, he had already trusted him with so much information. Maybe he would have to pull Sehun out a little bit more from the dreariness of his walls.

“Sehun?”, he asked with his mouth full.

“Yes?” Sehun's voice sounded a lot smaller since Luhan had been so inquisitive earlier.

“I thought … Maybe you would like to accompany me to my training.”

“What training?”

“For the cabaret, of course, dummy.”, he giggled. “Believe it or not, but I am not magically able to dance like that.”

“Oh … yeah uhm … okay, I guess … When?”

“Right after we're done eating, if you wanna?”

“Don't you have a performance today? I mean, it's Saturday.”

“No. Today's my free Saturday.”

“But won't I be just sitting around?”

“No. You can watch me.” Luhan poked out his tongue teasingly and winked.

Sehun blushed hard.

 

~

 

Needless to say, that Sehun was captivated by Luhan. The dancer didn't wear lingerie and high heels during training, but his movements were just as seductive. He rolled his body so deliciously while Tove Lo's _Talking Body_ blasted from the speakers.

Sehun sat on a chair in the corner and he was utterly glad to be so captivated by Luhan. Otherwise his thoughts would wander to forbidden places – no, not _those_ thoughts.

It was this location that made his heart ache. A dance studio – wooden floor, mirrored walls – in the floor above the Cabaret's grand hall. The way the sound would resonate between the walls was so familiar to Sehun. He had heard it so many times – a very long time ago. It made the creature within Sehun so antsy, so nervous, so restless. It wanted to move, not be sitting on a chair. It wanted to feel so free again.

Luhan finished his choreography and started it again and again, until sweat was dripping from his chin and his skin shimmered under the light of the neon tubes. He breathed heavily and slumped to the floor.

“You look completely shattered.”, Sehun commented.

“No shit, Sherlock.”, Luhan replied dryly and continued huffing for a while.

Sehun seated himself next Luhan, sick of rotting in the corner. “You train really hard.”

“Not hard enough.”

Sehun saw in the mirror how Luhan sat up.

“I still feel like I'm somewhat lacking when I'm dancing this one.”, Luhan admitted. “I don't make any technical mistakes, but somehow … the feeling is just not right, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You do?” Luhan looked at him surprised.

Sehun nodded silently. He shouldn't have said anything.

“Sehun … have you ever … Can you dance?”

Sehun flinched. “N-No … I can't d-dance.”

“You sure?” Luhan saw it. This was the wall again, but he wouldn't give Sehun another chance to escape.

“Yes.”, Sehun whispered sadly. “One-hundred percent sure.”

_What is this? What exactly is the problem?_ , Luhan thought. Gotta dig deeper. “Then … would you maybe like me to show you how? I'm a pretty good teacher.” He winked.

Sehun flushed slightly, but shook his head. “No, thanks.”

“Oh c'mon, please. Do it for me.” Luhan pouted.

“Don't pout. It looks ridiculous.”

“You're lying and you know it. It looks adorable.”

“Hmpf.” Sehun rolled his eyes like a diva.

“Come on, Sehun. Please. Dance with me. I'll do something easy and slow.”

“No, Luhan. I swear, I can't dance.” At this point the bitterness in Sehun's voice became really obvious.

Luhan realized, that he would probably make Sehun cry. “That's stupid. How many times have you tried it to know that for sure? So far you didn't seem to me like someone who goes to clubs a lot. Come ooooon …”

“For the last time, Luhan, I can't dance.” Sehun's voice grew angrier. He didn't want to discuss about this. He didn't even want to think about this – he couldn't.

“And why not? Why is this such a problem? We can't we just have some fun like that? No need to be a perfect dancer.”

At that Sehun suddenly rose to his feet. “You don't understand it, don't you?”, he shouted heatedly.

Luhan looked at him – shocked. He didn't such an extreme reaction.

“It's not that I can't dance …”, Sehun continued angrily. “It's that I CAN'T DANCE.”

“Sehun, what-”

“I can't! It's physically impossible for me, okay!?” And there they were. The tears that Luhan predicted. Sehun slowly fell down to his knees and began to sob.

Luhan just sat next to Sehun for a few seconds; the picture of Sehun crying threw him off completely. Then he robbed close to the other and hugged him tightly. “I'm sorry, Sehun. I'm so, so sorry.”

Sehun sobbed even harder and buried his head in Luhan's shoulder. “I-I c-can't dance, L-Luhan, I just c-can't d-dance.”

“But you want to dance.”, realized Luhan sympathetically and rubbed Sehun's neck. He felt him nodding into his shoulder.

“Y-Yes … I want to dance … so, so, so much … but I can't … I can't …”

 

They knelt on the floor for a long time. Luhan tried his best to comfort Sehun, who just wouldn't stop crying. But still, Luhan wasn't sorry for pushing Sehun this far. At first he thought, not pushing Sehun would be the best idea. But this obviously very deep wound was something that Sehun very deliberately ignored, for many years probably. This was a wound that never healed and Sehun's best way to handle the pain was turning his back on it, to take on another life, another personality. A life that he knew would hurt enough to distract him from everything else. Luhan could see all of it now in front if him. So no, Luhan wasn't sorry. Sehun would've never opened up to admit such a deep wound – never! But it was so necessary that this finally happened. The wounds finally needed to heal, to get treatment. Judging by Sehun's current state, it was his first time crying about the loss of his abilities ever since – well, when actually?

When Sehun finally calmed down, his eyes were red and puffed. Dry tears stretched on his skin.

“Sehun …”, Luhan began. “How and what exactly happened?”

“It h-happened eight years ago.”, Sehun hiccuped with a teary voice. “My f- … My right foot got pretty much shattered.” He rubbed his ankle as if he was feeling pain again. “It took me about a year in a rehab clinic to be able to walk again properly. And I mean, just walking, okay. The doctors said, if I'd be ever able to walk again like this, it'd be a miracle. The instructors in the rehab clinic told me, that I'll never be able to do anything straining with this foot again if I want to be able to walk when I'm older. So no sports and especially no dancing …” Sehun gulped dryly, reliving one of his most horrendous memories. “Of course, I thought, if the doctors were wrong about me never being able to properly walk again, why wouldn't the rehab instructors be wrong, too? The day I was allowed to go home, I went to my usual dance studio. I danced a pretty simple dance for about half a minute and then I felt the pain, I thought my foot would split into two. And I saw, that the instructors were right. I've never danced ever since and I'll never be able to dance again. Never.”

Luhan didn't know what to say. His heart hurt so much just listening to it. If something like this would happened to him, he wouldn't know what to do. Not being able to dance anymore …

“I wanted to become a dancer, you know …”, Sehun told crestfallen. “A professional dancer … I don't wanna brag, but I was pretty good. Every day in the rehab clinic I told myself, if I just work hard enough I'll be able to dance again perfectly fine. When I realized that I was wrong … well … Now you know …”

“Oh, Sehun … I'm so sorry.”, Luhan whispered.

“You said that already.”, Sehun replied bitterly.

“Well, what am I supposed to say to that?” 

Luhan knew before, that Sehun's past was a quite different caliber. Luhan had the chance to choose his path – he hurt and angered a lot of people, including his family, in the process – but he was able to. Sehun wasn't. Who knew how Sehun would've decided if he had all his options laid out. Now he was just standing in front of the shards of his dreams, unable to ever put them back together. No, wait. That's not the best way to phrase it. Sehun WAS the shards. He was utterly and completely broken. The only thing that helped to temporarily stick the shards together was that bland delusion of an ideal life and the far light of promised happiness in the future. Without it, he was nothing. A lump of misery on the floor.

So, what did Sehun need? He needed to somehow put the shards back together. But it was impossible. So what to do? There was another way. Take the shards, melt them and form something new. And Sehun couldn't do it alone. Or maybe he could? With the right impetus?

“Sehun …” Expectant eyes rested on Luhan. “You said you haven't danced ever since, so how do you now, that your condition is still this bad? Maybe it got better …”

“Luhan, trust me. I know.”

“Okay, then … What sort of dance did you do?”

“Hm … mostly Hip-Hop, sometimes a little R'n'B.”

“ _You_ did Hip-Hop?”, Luhan asked incredulously.

“Yes … what's the problem?”, Sehun asked irritated. 

“Nothing …”, Luhan giggled. “It's just that you're such a square and … yeah, okay, I'm quiet. Soooo … have you ever tried a different style of dancing?”

“Where is this supposed to get me?”

“I mean a style that is not as straining for you foot. Maybe something where you can sit on a chair?”

“No, I … haven't tried this so far …” Something lightened up in Sehun's eyes. He seemed to realize, where Luhan was going with his questions. “I've never been particularly interested in these dances, but …”

“Would you maybe like to try it?”, Luhan questioned eagerly. “I thought of this new choreography. It's for two people and one of them – the 'male' part – is dancing on the chair. It's supposed to look a little bit like the times we choose people from audience to come on stage, but a lot more … arranged and …”, he coughed. “... _interactive_. I haven't done something like this before, too. So …”

Sehun's heart hammered in his chest. “I would like to try, Luhan.”

Luhan smiled when he saw a glint of confidence sparking up in the taller's eyes. “Okay, let's do it!”

 

The music waved through the studio, sounding slow and dragging; painting space, time and hearts in colors of languid and tantalizing melancholy.

Sehun watched like a hawk how Luhan presented his idea of his part for the choreography to Lana Del Rey's _Fucked My Way Up To The Top_. He felt an old call inside him, an urge to prove himself, to get lost in the music.

After repeating the dance three times, Luhan stopped and turned towards Sehun. “Your turn. If there are some things you can't do, I'm sure we can alter that.”

Sehun kicked his city shoes in the corner and his socks right after, since he didn't have any sports shoes with him, of course. Next he got rid of his sweater vest (one of the less embarrassing ones) and dress shirt, causing the side-eyeing Luhan to almost trip once he saw the thick arm muscles, delicious clavicles and _fucking broad shoulders_ hiding beneath the fabric. _Phew!_ Sehun didn't look so squary anymore with just an undershirt on.

Sehun sat down on the chair in the starting position he remembered.

“Ready?”, asked Luhan when the song started again.

Sehun nodded and started.

“ _Life is awesome, I confess.  
What I do, I do best.”_

Luhan's breath got stuck in his throat once Sehun started dancing. For the moment the latter's movements still seemed a little insecure and rusty, but they carried such an effortless grace. The way he swung his arms and and rolled his body on the seat – it really fucked Luhan up. So far he had witnessed Sehun in at least semi-awkward to totally embarrassing or occasionally cute moments and this was so different from what he had seen from the other. Sehun obviously had experience and talent – Luhan could just fantasize about how good the involuntary journalist must have been.

“ _I'm a dragon, you're a whore.  
Don't even know what you're good for.”_

Two minutes into the song, Sehun halted in his movements. “I forgot that part.”, he confessed.

“No problem.”, Luhan muttered with a dry mouth. “You picked up almost everything in that short time. Amazing.”

“Well, it's not my first time.”

“Yeah, I see that. You're pretty good from what I've seen so far.” That was an understatement. “And considering you haven't danced in so long … wow …”

Sehun blushed.

“Is your foot okay?”

“Yes, no pain.” Sehun's smile was satisfied and relieved at the same time.

“Great. I'm gonna show you the rest again.” Luhan stepped closer to Sehun than necessary to lead him through every single move – using every given opportunities to generously touch the skin. _It's so soft_ , Luhan's head screamed. He needed to touch it more. 

Surprisingly Sehun didn't seem to mind the touches, though. He went through the rest the of the choreography without any problems and just a small alternation towards the end. He repeated the dance two more times – feeling so fantastic to be able to dance again. It wasn't the way of dancing he had wished to do, but still ten-thousand times better than anything he had done in the last seven years and more than he could ever hope for again.

“Wow, you really learn fast.”, complimented Luhan and for the first time ever he got rewarded with a big, fat and genuinely self-satisfied grin on Sehun's plum, rosy lips. A to him unknown mischief glowed up in the youngers's eyes. Luhan's heart skipped a beat. “But no need to be all smug about it.”, he muttered.

“Oh come on, let me enjoy this. I'm so happy right now. Thank you, Luhan.”

Now it was Luhan's turn to blush. “No biggie.”

“Yes biggie! This is huge for me.”

Awkward silence. “Shall we try it again? This time together with my part?”

“Go ahead!”

With the first soft tones Luhan began writhing on the ground seductively, causing Sehun to struggle to focus on his own parts. When the music began to swell towards the first chorus, Luhan changed to kneeling right in front of Sehun and the latter suddenly understood some of the movements he was supposed to be doing with hands and arms and that did seem a little odd before. He touched Luhan's neck when needed and bent down to almost meet his lips. His heart raced and his breath hitched. Right now, there wasn't a single thing that bothered him about it and he himself was surprised by that.

As the choreography continued, Luhan danced his way around Sehun, wrapping his arms around the flustered man. Crawling fingers made Sehun's blood shoot downwards. They swung and interlocked their arms and enjoyed how perfectly in sync they moved. An ethereal sort of harmony connected the two of them, waved through them and tied them together.

When the last chorus started playing, Luhan's luring antics reached their peak when he whirled onto Sehun's lap – feet hanging down to both sides, facing Sehun.

Sehun gasped. So close. He forgot his next moves and just repeated that one he was doing continuously – rolling his hips against Luhan, who did exactly the same. Sehun felt so hot. Did the temperature just rise? He wanted to tear his clothes off.

Luhan sneaked his arms around Sehun's neck and his fingers in the hair.

In an all too familiar situation Sehun found his forehead resting against Luhan's. The warm breath hitting his face made every nerve within him tingle in anticipation.

When their lips met – uncertain who started – a firework exploded between them and carried them away. While the song replayed again and again, their thrilled bodies rubbed, moved and danced against each other. Their lips kissed, sucked and nibbled, their tongues fought, licked and caressed. Satisfied and still demanding moans, groans, huffs and sighs resonated in the studio.

Sehun dared to go farther for the first time. His mouth started discovering Luhan's sweet skin on his neck, beneath his ears, between the collarbones. A strong desire to mark this flawless canvas overcame him. Tongue and lips left hickey after hickey, until there was barely any spot left.

Luhan lost his mind. Because who would've thought …? Lecherously he grinded down on Sehun, who couldn't hold back a growl that turned Luhan on to no end. He squeaked a lewd “Sehun!”, when the taller had the nerve to slightly bite down on Luhan's exposed shoulder.

Sehun growled again and grabbed the beauty's lush hips to grind them down on his rock hard erection again. “Fuck, Luhan! Do that again.”, he huffed.

Luhan complied all too willingly. He was goddamn horny and he needed satisfaction.

Their cocks rubbed against each through the fabric that created extra friction. Keen sounds escaped their mouths as they chased their orgasms. Movements grew more frantic, desperate and fierce with every second passing. Lips reunited in consuming, yearning kisses.

“S-Sehun, I-I …”

Sehun pounced back on the older's neck. He nibbled and licked around the ear and Luhan started shaking and whimpering. 

When the dry humping reached its peak, Luhan buried his head on Sehun's shoulder.

“Luhan … Uh!” The orgasm hit Sehun hard out of nowhere as he came into his pants. “FUCK!”, he shouted to the ceiling. He wanted to help Luhan out and reached for the other's package to start rubbing it. He was rewarded with lustful moans and even more lustful humps, that made him shudder.

Luhan came with a cry, eyes wide open and Sehun's name on his lips.

And when his face was contorted in such bliss and ecstasy, his eyes sparkled from tears and his mouth opened wide, Sehun fell hard. If he hadn't fallen already.

 

Luhan sat slumped against Sehun's chest on his lap, head resting on a broad shoulder. It's been a while since an orgasm had exhausted him this much and they were just dry humping, _so why_ …?

Luhan felt like he had unconsciously unleashed something in Sehun. Something wild and feral.

Sehun's breath – excited and fast just minutes before – calmed down. A feeling of serenity got a hold of him and it just wouldn't let him go – which was probably for the best. Was this what peace of mind felt like? 

His monster was free. He should have never locked it up in the first place. Why did he even do that? He knew why, but did it have any effects? Sooner or later he would have broken down anyways. And he was glad it happened with Luhan.

_Luhan …_

“Sehun …” His voices sounded hoarse.

“Hm …”

“Please … don't run away this time.”

“I won't.” Sehun assured Luhan and himself. “I won't.”

“Good.”, Luhan muttered and snuggled closer into Sehun's chest.

Sehun felt so light at that action, as if he lost all connection to earth. He hugged Luhan closer and allowed himself to give in to the dream of felicity.

 

 

~  


 

 

I hope you liked this chapter.

~ Freeza :D


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

~

 

 

**CHAPTER 4**

 

 

“Chanyeol … I don't know, man …”, Sehun mumbled.

“What is it Sehun?”, the other asked with a steaming cup of coffee in his hands.

“I just thought … I mean … I don't see any future for me here.” He sounded resignedly.

“Well, I've been telling you that all along.” Chanyeol just shrugged his shoulders.

“But what if I'm gonna quit? What am I gonna do next? You know the situation on the labor market. And no other reputable newspaper would wanna hire me after all those trash articles I wrote.”

The two sat in Sehun's office. It was Monday afternoon and for Sehun that meant he had a shitload of work to do – actually. But right now he preferred complaining to Chanyeol about how dissatisfied he was with the overall situation.

“Have you ever considered changing your career, Sehun?”, Chanyeol suggested.

“And to what?”

“For example to a profession you might enjoy for a change?!” The sarcasm was strong.

“Hm …”

“Sehun. I think one of your biggest problems is that you're too afraid of change. Yes, you will probably piss off a few people in the process, but people are pissing you off all the the time, too. So what's the big deal?”

“I know …”, Sehun admitted. “But what are my parents gonna say?”

“Your parents? Sehun, you're a grown man who can make his own decisions.”

“But they weren't particularly happy about me choosing this career and if they'll hear that I quit … well …”

“Sehun. Excuse my language, but fuck your parents' preferences, okay? This is your life and you can make your own choices. I mean, look at you. You're basically having a midlife crisis at the age of twenty-seven. Don't you think there's anything wrong with that? Don't think you deserve some happiness?”

Sehun didn't know what to answer.

Maybe he really did. Maybe he deserved some happiness. He had been unhappy for much too long.

 

It was quitting time and Sehun was tired. Not just today, but in general.

He knew he couldn't continue like this. He had to change his life. Chanyeol had indeed been telling this to him ever since and now that he met Luhan the idea finally came to fruition.

Sehun had ultimately accepted that he was attracted to Luhan. They had been dry humping the other day and it was fucking great. Luhan completely and utterly bewitched him. Just thinking of him made Sehun's heart speed up, his cheeks tint pink and his head fuzzy. He loved how lively, how sensible, how thrilling, how caring the other was. Every single time that he met Luhan, Sehun lost his mind. Or did he? Did he really lose his mind? Or did he find it …?

Because, truthfully, Sehun had never felt more like himself than when he was with Luhan. Sehun loved that feeling, too. Luhan made him believe that he could escape his life, that he could ignore all the negativity and float through the world on a fluffy, warm cloud. He made him believe that he could have back the life he was forced to give up eight years ago. He made him believe that anything was possible.

 

Speaking of the devil!

When Sehun stepped out of the doors of the bureau with a last goodbye to Chanyeol who was busy sorting brochures, he spotted Luhan leaning against a car right by the sidewalk.

“Luhan?”, he asked incredulously. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh hey, Sehun. I've been waiting for you.” Luhan smiled sweetly and Sehun felt his heart jumping out of his chest.

“How do you know I work here?”

“Uh … you told once, when we were talking on the rooftop.”

“You remember?”

“Of course.” Luhan smiled again.

“So … you waited here for me.” Sehun repeated awkwardly.

“Yes. I wanted to pick you up.”

“We're going somewhere? I can't remember agreeing to a date.”

“Oh, it wasn't supposed to be a date, or do you want it to be one?” Mischief was back in Luhan's eyes.

“Uhm …”, Sehun blushed.

“We're gonna skip town. I think you need it.”

“W-W-Wait, I can't just leave the city. I got work tomorrow.”

“You _can_ leave, Sehun. Believe me, you need some time outside of this mass of people.”

“Luhan, I don't know …”

“Come on …” 

And that was all it took. The square in Sehun was broken to a degree that a fiery look of Luhan's eyes was enough to crash its will.

Sehun hopped in the passenger seat and fastened his seat belt. “Drive.”, he commanded when Luhan got in the car as well. “Drive, before I change my mind.”

 

~

 

While driving through the busy Seoul, Sehun remained tense and quiet on his seat. Horror nightmares of the consequences haunted him. Once they reached the outskirts, he became more relaxed, accepting that he was doomed one way or another.

Luhan turned on some generic music that continued playing in the background. “By the way, it's my first time seeing you in those pants.”, he commented.

Sehun looked at him confusedly.

“I mean … black skinny jeans … Since when do you wear those?” He giggled gleefully.

“Uhm, well …” Sehun had felt very risky this morning and dared to wear those dashing pants again. Who knew that it would indeed turn out to be a risky day. He was driving with Luhan to nowhere and tomorrow was a work day – he hadn't done something this irresponsible since … probably ever.

“It suits you.”, complimented Luhan. “I like.” He winked at Sehun.

“Look at the road.”, the other grumbled, not knowing how to deal with the compliment. “Where are we gonna drive, anyways?

“Somewhere, where we can see the stars.” Luhan smiled softly.

“Oh.” Sehun remembered.

The drive continued in peaceful silence – Sehun using the time to admire Luhan from the side. Today he was wearing casual clothing again. Most likely he wore this every day and used the shows to live out his other preferences. A convenient solution. Sehun couldn't decide whether he liked casual Luhan or crossdress Luhan better. They were both stunning. But the most stunning thing about Luhan was his personality. Sehun didn't want to lose it anymore.

 

Luhan drove the streets from Seoul to Chuncheon, but halfway there he left the main streets and drove into a country lane that led into the forest which lined the roads everywhere. Meanwhile the sun had started to set and orange and pinkish shades colored the leaves of the trees.

Sehun, who had been dozing for a while, woke up again and looked around curiously. “Have you ever been here before?”

“Yes, two times. But it's been long since I've last been here. I hope the clearing is still there.”

After driving the bumpy and curvy path for ten more minutes, Luhan finally halted the car. “We're here.”, he muttered with a rough voice.

Sehun unfastened his seat belt and stepped out of the car to take in the new scenery.

The car was parked at the side of a small clearing, almost circularly shaped. Lush, green grass sprawled everywhere around them. The last rays of the sun caused the trees to cast long shadows, making the place seem somewhat surreal.

Sehun took in the air for the first time and enjoyed how fresh and invigorating it felt, especially compared to the emission-contaminated air of the big city. Sehun couldn't get enough of breathing in. For a moment he forgot that Luhan was still there and stepped towards the center of the clearing, realizing that he didn't wear the right shoes for such an adventure, but he couldn't care less. He felt so unattached, so ethereal, so entranced.

In the meantime, Luhan got a thick blanket and a box with food from the trunk. He spread out the blanket in front of the car and ensconced himself, his back leaning against the door. He watched Sehun slowly turning around himself, his eyes and mouth opened in awe. “Do you enjoy yourself?”, Luhan giggled. He could see the younger turning red even from the distance.

Sehun bashfully returned to older and slumped down next to him.

“Want some?” Luhan offered him the food box filled with kimbap.

Sehun thankfully took a roll. “Self-made?”

“Self-bought.”

Sehun huffed but gladly ate it.

While eating together, Luhan slowly slid closer to Sehun until he could rest his head on the latter's shoulder. Sehun didn't mind. He rather enjoyed the feeling of Luhan's hair tickling his cheek. Occasionally he side-eyed the beautiful man and lost himself at the view.

 

“Look!”, Luhan said after a while. “The stars.” His eyes were drawn to the sky and Sehun followed his look.

The night sky was magnificent. They were lucky this evening; there wasn't a single cloud in sight – a beautiful, starry night. So many stars dotted the dark firmament and no light pollution was there to reduce their shine.

Looking at the sheer number of them and the vast space that opened up before his eyes, Sehun felt his feeling of self shrinking rapidly. He felt so tiny and meaningless – in a good way – and he got a grasp of how unimportant he must be to the rest of the world. Maybe not to himself and not to the person right next to him. But to the rest of the world …? 

Luhan had been talking about this when they first met and Sehun behaved like a dick. He basically said, that Sehun was too self-centered and thought the world would only revolve around him. Oh, how right he had been! 

Looking at the sky and reconsidering his position in this world, Sehun felt a certain understanding of his overall situation falling into place.

 

“Sehun?”, Luhan muttered. “I know, I asked you this before, but … are you happy?”

“Right now, I am.” Sehun smiled blissfully.

“That's nice to hear.” Luhan took his head from Sehun's shoulders to look the other straight in the eyes. “And aside from now?”

“Not so much, I guess … Okay, not at all.”

“Do you intend to change that?”

“Yes, I do. Very much. But I'm scared, Luhan.”, Sehun admitted with downcast eyes.

“Why?”

“Because of the consequences.”

“Which consequences?”

“Just everything. New job, no money, family, people, everything. Continuing like this is easier.”

“But it doesn't make you happy.”

“Right. So what am I gonna do, Luhan?”

“I think the biggest obstacle that is hindering you to do or change anything is _you_ , Sehun. All these risks and consequences are manageable, somehow. You just need to be willing to face them, because life is not gonna do you that favor. Life doesn't owe you anything. I told you before.”

“I know, Luhan. So what would I do about these things? What about my job? If I quit, where am I gonna get my money from?”

“I think, until you finally found a profession that you wanna do and got hired, you could maybe work as waiter in the Cabaret. We always need new ones anyway. The pay is … nothing extraordinary, but enough.”

“Hm … I think … I'll consider it. But what about the other people, what about my parents. What are they gonna say? What are they gonna do?”

Now, this was an aspect that had been bothering Luhan since quite a while. “Why are you so obsessed with other people's opinions? You're like this ever since we met. You want to be proper, you want to fit in, you don't want to scandalize. Why? I mean, it's okay to care about the opinions of certain people, I guess. It's normal. But you're seriously overdoing it. So _why_?”

Sehun gulped. “Probably … because I know what these _other people_ can do, if you don't live up to their expectations.”

Surprisingly, that shut Luhan up for a moment. “Sehun …”, he whispered eventually. “What are you talking about …?”

“I told you that my foot got shattered, right? But I didn't tell you how.”

“Sehun …”

“Ever since I was young, I loved to dance.”, Sehun started off with a nostalgic expression on his face. “I had been pursuing it as a hobby for many, many years and during that time my parents never said a word because of it. They never took it seriously, but they let me be. But then, when the last school year started, they asked me to stop going to the dance studio. They said I should finally start acting like an adult and it would distract me from learning for the finals anyways. I refused and we had a pretty bad fight. Eventually, I dropped that my plan had been to become a professional dancer. They were enraged. It wasn't proper. My father is a bigwig in a company and he wanted me to start there, too. That would've meant for me to study economics or something like that. And I absolutely despise these subjects. They threatened me, if I didn't comply they would kick me out and not support me with any money, so yeah …” His mouth wrinkled into a bitter smile. “After some time I managed to convince them to let me choose another major. I chose journalism, since I had been pretty good at writing commentaries, reports and stuff like that in school, so I thought this was probably the safest and easiest option. My parents weren't exactly happy with my choice but to them it was at least better than dancing, so they dealt with it. They forbid me to dance. They wanted me to focus on learning. Of course I didn't care. I went to the studio secretly. It was during my first semester when my parents found out. And … long story short: My father crushed my foot.”

Luhan gasped in shock. How could a parent do something like this to its child? Sure Luhan's parents had been disappointed and angry when he told them he was gay, but they would have never treated him this way.

“In the hospital they said, I fell down the stairs.”, Sehun huffed. “Basically every single bone was broken. But unfortunately it wasn't just the bones. My father had been thorough. My ankle got off something, too. And that's the reason why I can't properly dance anymore. That day my parents not only successfully destroyed my dream of becoming a professional dancer but my dream of dancing in general. I – more or less – was forced to learn that sticking to the conventions is what keeps you safe in this world. Being conventional means that you don't have any dreams, but you also don't feel pain. I didn't want to feel pain anymore. Getting your dreams crushed is more painful than anything else, because you know that everything you've done so far was in vain.”

Luhan was speechless, hearing how Sehun felt at the bottom of his heart.

“Having dreams is crucial.”, Sehun continued. “If you can't fulfill them, you will never be truly happy and there's absolutely nothing yo can do about it. You constantly reproach yourself for not having done enough – even though your failure was not your fault. So, I guess, I gave up. Falling into that cluster of conformity makes you think everything was just a childish delusion and that's the only thought that can somewhat keep you from blaming yourself twenty-four seven.”

“Oh, Sehun … I'm so sorry that you had to live through that. I'm sorry you had to change yourself so much.”, Luhan murmured sympathetically. A small tear formed at the corner of his eye. He reached out at Sehun's open hand and interlocked their fingers.

Sehun felt the comforting pressure. He looked at the holding hands in amazement and back into Luhan's eyes. “But then, you came.”, he explained and Luhan blushed. “You whirled into my life by accident and you remembered me of everything I used to be and of everything I always wanted to be. I can honestly admit, that you turned my life upside down and inside out.”

Luhan blushed even further.

“The words you said to me … they just wouldn't let me go. I tried to deny it; deep down I knew you were right, however. But, apparently, I've been caught in that net of social expectations for too long to come to the correct conclusion right away. I am grateful that you are who you are and that you act like you act. You gave me time to change, to develop and to free myself … sorta … But still you were strong and rigid in your points. You gave me the kick in the pants I needed.”

Luhan was utterly impressed by Sehun's little speech. “Wow, I didn't know that I have such an effect on other people.”

“Yeah … you're pretty mind-blowing.”

Now Luhan's head glowed in bright red. “And you're getting cheesy …”

“Am I?” Sehun held up their interlocked hands. With a soft, but slightly nervous smile he asked: “Luhan … _this_ … What is this …?”

Luhan bit his lip. “What do you want it to be?”

Sehun's heart began to race. “I … I … Luhan …”

“Are you … afraid?”

“No … at least not in the sense you mean it.”

“And how do you mean it?”

“I'm not afraid of what other people will think of me. I'm afraid of what _you_ will think of me.”

Luhan chuckled lightly. “Why would you be?”

“It's just that … I've never been with a guy before … I have no idea how these things work.”, Sehun stammered nervously.

“I know, Sehun. Is that really, what you are worrying about?”

Sehun nodded shyly.

“I haven't been judging you so far. Why would I judge you for not knowing these things? And it's nothing that you can't learn.”

Sehun nodded again; he felt like he wouldn't be able to speak a word right now. A thick lump formed in his throat. Despite the chilly air that blew over the clearing, he felt his body growing hot and uneasy.

Luhan sat in front of him in all his beauty. The breeze let his blonde locks flutter. The moonlight illuminated his face in the most enchanting way, letting his lashes cast long shadows over his cheeks bones. His eyes sparkled and reflected the stars. His lips seemed so rosy and inviting.

“C-Can I k-kiss you?”, Sehun croaked with a hoarse voice.

Luhan blinked in surprise, then he smiled genuinely. “Of course.”, he breathed and took off Sehun's glasses. “C'mere …”

Sehun crawled closer and began to slowly caress Luhan's cheek with his right hand. “You are so gorgeous.”, he muttered. His left hand slid down Luhan's waist to get a hold on the latter's hip. Sehun gently lifted the chin and bowed his head to meet the awaiting lips. This was his first kiss between them that he initiated and he felt so jittery inside. When their lips touched, a warm wave flooded through Sehun. He felt at ease, at peace. His prior nervousness disappeared.

 

Cautiously and steadily they moved their lips against each other. They lost all sense of time and space. They didn't feel any pressure, any rush. Just the pleasure of being close.

Luhan ran his finger's through Sehun's hair, enjoying how soft it was. He took off the other's coat, as well as his own jacket. The cool air made him shiver but he couldn't be bothered by that right now.

After some time of nibbling at each other's – by now – swollen lips, their tongues started to dance an elegant, passionate dance. At first just as slowly and slickly, but after a while more desperate and more demanding.

Sehun overcame all his inhibitions. He kissed Luhan greedy and passionately, growing addicted to the latter's taste. He didn't want to stop and every quick second he had to pull away to breath left him hungering for more and returning to those desired lips with an even more intense craving.

Luhan's movements became more and more erratic. The sheer force of Sehun's unleashed desire knocked him off his feet. He was glued to this wild tongue, to those caressing lips. It left him breathless – unable to think straight anymore. He crawled onto Sehun's lap to embrace the lean hips with his legs, causing the latter to growl and bite down on Luhan's lips when the blonde accidentally brushed over his growing erection. Luhan whined, when he felt that dick pressing against his own through the fabric. He wanted the fabric gone.

While Luhan began opening up Sehun's dress shirt, the younger grabbed him tightly by the hips and slammed him backwards against the car. The pressure knocked the air out of Luhan's lungs. “Sehun …”, he panted.

But Sehun was too busy attacking his neck and collarbones like a starving animal. “Gosh, you taste so good.”, he moaned against the skin, while generously licking and kissing every spot.

Luhan became so incredibly lightheaded; didn't know what to with himself. His shaky hands finally opened up the shirt and slid it down Sehun's shoulders. “Fuck …”, he groaned while pushing Sehun away a little bit to admire this perfect – _perfect_ – sculpture of a body. “You …”, he breathe heavily. “You dress like a square, but your body … DAMN!”

Sehun chuckled.

“Being smug again?” Luhan's eyes flashed in playful anger and he pushed Sehun back on the blanket, who let it happen. Luhan straddled the taller's hips and aggressively attacked his lips. “But what can I do?”, he muttered between the kisses. “You just. Look so. Goddamn. Beautiful.”

“Right back at you.”, Sehun breathed in a suddenly very deep voice, that caused Luhan to shudder pleasantly. Sehun began to meddle with the hem of the smaller's shirt and a few impatient seconds later it landed on the floor. The glistening, flawless skin left Sehun in awe.

But Luhan didn't want to leave Sehun any more time to admire him. He dove back down to repeat the same pleasurable procedure on Sehun's skin that the latter did prior.

Muffled moans turned into desperate cries when Luhan decided to not just mark the neck anymore, but also to start nibbling and twisting Sehun's nipples.

Pleasure was shooting and burning through the latter to a degree that he couldn't tell up from down anymore. This was something he had never done before, but – fuck – it was awesome.

 

After some time, Sehun noticed – despite all the impressions that befell him – that Luhan was shivering. The night had cooled down a lot and it was not a temperature to sit outside shirtless anymore.

“You're freezing.”, he noted and pulled Luhan closer to warm him. “Come on. Let's get in the car.”

Luhan nodded dazedly. He opened the door to the backseat.

The two crawled in just to pounce on each other again, once the door was closed.

Sehun accepted the challenge of making Luhan feel as good as Luhan made him. He dove down to suck at his nipples, hoping to do it right. Judging from Luhan's ecstatic moans and whimpers, he did. Luhan fell apart in his arms and he loved it.

It didn't take them long to get rid of their pants and boxers – a crucial moment for Sehun. However, he gladly realized that it didn't bother him one bit, that there was a dick instead of a vagina and eagerly sunk back in Luhan's embrace.

They couldn't get enough of each other. Every part of their bodies needed to be touched, needed to be caressed, to be worshiped.

Sehun dared to let his his hand slide down to Luhan's hard-on and grab the base.

“SEHUN!” Luhan choked and fell against Sehun's broad chest, not able to keep kneeling anymore. “Fuck!”, he breathed. 

Encouraged by the reaction, Sehun sped up his strokes and brushed his thumb over the slit.

“Ah … Sehun, don't stop.” Luhan trembled.

Sehun laid the older with his back on the seats and hovered above him.

Luhan gulped. The deep dark, carnal desire that gleamed in Sehun's piercing eyes made him fuzzy and nervous in all the right ways. Gosh, how much he wanted it right now.

Sehun decided to return a favor to Luhan and bowed down to kiss the latter's navel.

Luhan squeaked.

The younger kissed deeper. And deeper. Until Luhan's cock hit his cheek.

“Sehun …?”, Luhan questioned startled. “What are you- AH!”

Sehun had licked a long thick stripe along the rock hard erection. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't small either (Sehun did however note with a certain satisfaction, that he was bigger). The taller tried to mimic the actions Luhan did, when he gave him the blowjob. He licked and slicked it up real nicely. He circled his tongue around the top and Luhan was breathing and moaning heavily. Eventually, he brought it on himself to take Luhan's dick in his mouth. The precum tasted slightly salty and stale, but it was bearable, so he began bobbing his head up and down. The more enthusiastic Luhan screamed, the faster he got.

Luhan was in heaven. Sehun's mouth was wonderful and his tongue a miracle. God-fucking-dammit.

Sehun noticed how Luhan wanted to thrust into the heat and grabbed the latter's hips to push them back to the seat.

Luhan whined desperately. “Fuck, Sehun!”, he cursed. “I swear, if you're not gonna stop _right now_ , I'm gonna cum!” Sehun pulled away and Luhan whined again. “Didn't mean you really had to.”, he muttered.

Sehun chuckled and got pulled up to Luhan's lips and entangled in an all consuming kiss. Breathlessly he twined his arms around the older. Soon he started humping his hips down on the other's.

Their stiff cocks got pressed and rubbed against each other, making them shout out profane utterances of pleasure and desire.

“Sehun, I need you.”, Luhan growled. “I need you now!”

Sehun halted in his movements and looked at Luhan – unsure and expectantly. “What …”, he gulped. “... do I have to do?”

Luhan chuckled slightly. “Just watch me.” He stretched his arm out to the glove box to get lube and a condom. He ripped open the packaging and slipped the condom over Sehun's cock and the younger groaned at the touch.

“You have these in your car?”, Sehun asked disbelievingly.

“Better safe than sorry.”, Luhan smirked. “I think it's better if you're topping for now. You got no experience how to handle this.”

“Uhm … okay … if you say so …”, Sehun stammered awkwardly. He felt a little misguided at the moment, not knowing what to do other than kneeling on the seat, stroking his cock slowly, watching curiously how Luhan put a generous amount of lube on his fingers and began prepping himself. It was kinda odd for him at first but the longer he watched and the more Luhan's face contorted in pleasure, the more it turned him on. 

Luhan knelt across from him, reaching around to work himself open. At first just one finger, then he added more up to three. At that point he was whimpering and trembling and fell forward against Sehun, who didn't know anything better to do than helping Luhan to not fall over.

He laid an arm around the older and pulled him closer. He felt Luhan's heavy breathing on his neck and bowed down to nibble on his ear, earning a squeak from the blonde.

“I'm ready.”, Luhan announced finally.

The younger's mind went blank.

“Sehun? You still there? I'm horny.” Luhan chuckled.

Sehun nodded with a dry throat.

Luhan noticed Sehun's insecurities and smiled understandingly. “Lay down.”, he commanded. “I'm gonna ride you.”

Sehun's eyes lit up when hearing this and complied immediately.

There he laid, anticipating.

Luhan straddled him again, grabbed his dick and lined it up to his hole. Then he slowly, _slowly_ lowered himself down on the erection, till the balls brushed his ass cheeks. “Fuck, you're big.”, he groaned, throwing his head back, trying to get used to the size.

Meanwhile Sehun was dying. He didn't know what he expected, but certainly not such a degree of heat and tightness. He had to hold onto every bit of his composure to not thrust up right now. The picture of Luhan seated on his cock, breathing heavily and glistening in sweat, was like alighted from one of the naughty dreams that had been haunting him in the last weeks and teased him to no end.

Finally, Luhan started moving. He carefully dragged his hips up again to slowly push back down and just slowly sped up.

Sehun began to gently thrust in the same rhythm, but it wasn't … it wasn't enough. With every passing thrust he lost his mind a little more. “Please, Luhan, please!”, he begged. “Faster, _please_.”

Luhan chuckled and leaned forward to whisper in Sehun's ear. “Relax, tiger!”

“But I can't!”, Sehun whimpered and grabbed Luhan's hips, placed his feet on the seat and began rutting into the eagerly swallowing hole.

Luhan yelled in surprise. “Oh my god, Sehun! Fuck!” He grasped at Sehun shoulders and hair, completely helpless and quickly turning into a moaning, groaning mess on top of this exceptionally gifted _fucker_.

Sehun slowly sat up, never once stopping to pound into the tight heat, and twined Luhan's shaking legs around his hips. He captured Luhan's swollen lips in a fierce, sensual battle of tongues.

A particularly hard thrust made Luhan scream out a hoarse “Right there!” - Sehun all too willing to fulfill the request.

Their breathes, groans, moans, whimpers filled up the small room of the car. Sweat dropped from their skin. Their bodies moved like a well-functioning machine.

Sehun crawled back on the seat and knelt down, holding Luhan mid-air, fucking him hard and fast.

“Deeper, Sehun!”, Luhan screamed. He didn't know whether he was coming or going. Totally lost his mind.

“Fuck, Lu …”, Sehun grunted as his movements became erratic and uncontrolled. “I think I'm gonna …”

“Me too …”

A few last deep thrusts and Luhan screamed out in orgasmic ecstasy.

His walls constricted tightly around Sehun and the younger came with a loud moan on his lips, spilling his seed into the condom.

 

It took them a while to calm down. 

They stared at each other in amazement and wonder, lived on on their personal little cloud. Their skin was sticky and sweaty. The car smelled like sex. They didn't care.

Luhan dropped back the seats and pulled out a warm blanket from under one of the seats to throw it over the both of them.

Sehun pulled the smaller close to him and buried his nose in the blonde locks.

Luhan comfortably cuddled up into Sehun's arms.

Exhausted they slowly fell asleep in each other's embrace.

They didn't speak a word. They didn't have to. In that moment they were perfectly happy and content.

 

~

 

**6 months later:**

 

So many things have changed for Sehun in the past few months. And for Luhan, too, of course. The two now live together. About two months after they officially started dating, Sehun moved in with Luhan, because his apartment is a littler bit bigger and closer to the Cabaret. Sehun is now working there, just like Luhan suggested at that night on the clearing.

The day after they had their first time together, they overslept, of course. But Sehun didn't freak out. He knew what he had to do. Dozens of unanswered calls and messages from Chanyeol and his co-workers blew up his phone, but he didn't feel the pressure anymore. Together with Luhan he drove back to Seoul, conveniently chatting along the way. He ordered Luhan to park right in front of the bureau. Determined he walked in, ignored all he questions and weird looks from the others and stomped right into the office of his boss. He told the startled man that he wanted to quit his job. And while the old man still begged Sehun to stay with them, because they needed his excellent articles, Sehun spat despisingly at him, that he should have thought of that before he gave the promotion to Seohyun. The co-workers looked at him in wonder when he dramatically buzzed off.

He started working at the Cabaret right after. Knowing Luhan surely helped to get a job there. He worked as a waiter and at least for the time being he was completely satisfied with that. After all, he got to enjoy every single show for free and eat some of the delicious food in the kitchen. He got to meet all the other people working at the Cabaret, so many nice people, so many new friends. Sehun felt himself blossoming. His only friend over the years had been Chanyeol and now he noticed how one-sided that was.

 

Working in the Cabaret held another advantage. He could dance again. The dance studio was just a floor above. He danced so many times together with Luhan, that he forgot to count. 

One day after their date at the clearing Luhan had come back to him and told him about a friend of his living in China – Zhang Yixing – who was a doctor. A specialist for joints, in fact. Luhan wanted to visit that friend soon and he suggested that the doctor could take a look at Sehun's ankle, if he wanted to. Sehun, who had been eager to see Luhan's hometown anyways, gladly agreed. Zhang Yixing turned out to be not just a specialist, but a _prestigious_ specialist and he actually could do something about the ankle. A month later Sehun got an operation. It took some time to heal but after that he was able to dance quite good again without feeling any pain. Of course, he wasn't able to dance again like he once could, but a lot better than before the operation. He was able to do easy choreographies again without having to sit all the time.

Using his regained abilities, Sehun choreographed many dances together with Luhan and one day, he even performed together with him on stage. Sehun didn't do the lingerie. That just wasn't his style. So they opted for a new concept. Trying to tell a story to the audience – Sehun always being “the man”. Surprisingly, it was very well-received with the audience, which made Sehun a regular feature of the program.

So ultimately, Sehun couldn't have his biggest dream back. He never will. But with the help of Luhan and the Cabaret he got as close to it as possible. And together with all the positivity he now has in his life, this knowledge is more than just satisfying to him. He knows he has done everything in his power. He has no regrets.

 

Naturally, there had been some troubles along the way, too.

He met up with Chanyeol for quite some time after quitting his job. The older had been beyond happy that Sehun finally had the guts to do so. But since they didn't see each other every day anymore, they slowly grew apart. And when Sehun finally admitted what sort of career he was pursuing now, Chanyeol broke the contact. It hurt, but Sehun expected it to happen.

When Sehun's parents found out that their son wasn't working at the newspaper anymore and was in fact being a waiter at such _raunchy shed_ they were infuriated. They wanted to storm the building and force Sehun back home. Luckily they got banned from the house by Kris – but not without screaming some insults at their son for being an embarrassment, a disgrace and a disappointment. It stung, but Sehun expected it to happen.

When he walked through the streets with Luhan, chattering and bickering all lovingly, people would give them weird looks, sometimes glare at them or even call them names. Of course, there were also people who didn't care or congratulated them on being such a cute couple, but mostly they got the weird looks, especially from those old people. It was bothersome, but Sehun expected it to happen.

However, Sehun has learned how to live with these things. He knows they are there, there's no reason in denying it. He accepts the fact, that many people won't like him and Luhan. But he doesn't care anymore. He really doesn't give a fuck.

 

So, all in all, Sehun has really changed a lot. 

The square was gone – mostly. Some habits of course stuck with him, like listening to jazz on Saturdays or showering before going to bed – seven years of restraining yourself just won't leave the hard-drive unscratched.

But aside from those profanities, he's not the same person anymore. The cage is gone, the chains are gone. He can finally be himself without fearing punishment in one way or another. 

He now dresses fashionably again. He loves how Luhan's eyes start to glow when he sees Sehun in a new, dashing outfit. And he dyed his hair. It's now blonde and elegantly pushed back. Luhan always starts drooling at that look.

Sehun doesn't question his purpose of living anymore. He knows what he is living for. He knows who he is. He finally found himself.

He is the man at Luhan's side. He loves the older with all his heart and he would never want to let him go. Making Luhan happy is making Sehun happy. It's as easy as that.

 

~

 

Today is retro evening.

Sehun is waiting backstage, watching the performance from the side. All the “girls” are on stage right now, performing an impressive choreography to Ray Charles' _Hit The Road Jack_. They're swinging their hips and lifting their legs in such an exquisite manner, it's the purest joy to watch them – especially Luhan in his cute little pin-up girl-like costume.

One might think that Sehun is jealous over so many men getting to see his Luhan this way. But surprisingly, no! He isn't! Sehun has always been more of a guy to brag anyways and Luhan is surely enough reason to do so. He's proud of his boyfriend. And despite that, this is Luhan's profession and Sehun respects that.

When the song ends, the dancers bow and stumble backstage, laughing. Only one of them stays back to sing his solo act – Baekhyun, a good friend of both Luhan and Sehun.

“Soooo …?” Luhan nudges against Sehun. “How have I been?”

“Okay.”, Sehun teases.

“Just okay?”

“Nah, maybe a little bit better.”, he giggles and wraps his arm around Luhan to kiss him on the lips.

“Stop messing with me.” Luhan doesn't admit it, but he loves partaking in Sehun's childish antics. 

“And why would I?”

“Because otherwise, I'm not gonna tell you about that idea I had.”

“Huh? What idea?” 

“I thought of a new story for us to perform a dance to. You inspired me.”

“Oh. I did?”

“Yes, a stuffy journalist who forgot how to live meets an enchanting beauty, that is teaching him how to dream again.”

“Oh … hm …”

Luhan giggles. “You don't seem so happy about this idea …”

“No, no. It's just … I didn't expect this. But I think … yes, maybe we should do this …”

“I thought, maybe we could involve all that social pressure and expectations, too.”

Now Sehun started laughing.

“What's so funny about that, Sehun?”, Luhan asks slightly offended.

“Oh, it's just …”, he giggled. “... _Involving social pressure and expectations_ …”

“Yeah. What about that? I'm sure many people in the audience can relate to that.”

“I'm sure they can, but what's that supposed to be? _Sociocritical stripping_??” Sehun breaks down laughing and even Luhan can't keep a straight face anymore.

Luhan just loves seeing Sehun laughing. The younger's eyes always twist into that lovely crescent moon shape and his wide, gleeful smile always brightens Luhan's day.

After Sehun calmed down, he speaks again. “But for real, Luhan. These people come here because they want to get away from all these expectations, not because they want to see them again. They wouldn't like it. Believe me.”

“Hm … if you say so …” Luhan grumbles.

“Relax, tiger!”, Sehun whispers teasingly into Luhan's ear and the older blushes when he recognizes his own words. “No need to be so grumpy about it.”, the younger snickers.

“You're gonna bottom tonight.”, Luhan hisses.

“What? Why?”

“Because you made fun of me aaaand because you look so darn submissive with that choker around your neck. Why are you even wearing this?”

“It's part of the costume.”, Sehun complains.

“Stop whining. That's not sexy.”

“Two days ago you told me something different …”

“…” Luhan doesn't know how to reply to that and just leaves the discussion for after the show.

“Sorry, Lu.”, Sehun apologizes. “But I really think that this part of your idea is not such a good plan.” He pulls Luhan closer and kisses him again. “I love you.”, he mutters.

“Love you, too.”, Luhan replies softly. 

Baekhyun's act is coming to an end and Luhan and Sehun prepare themselves. Now it's their turn.

Baekhyun announces the next performers and they step onto the stage.

 

The spotlight hits Sehun right in the face. It feels hot and welcoming. 

He starts to dance and senses Luhan responding.

And while he feels the joy of dancing, the happiness of loving, the honor of radiating, he feel so – _oh so_ – very alive.

 

 

~

 

 

I hope you liked this fanfiction.

~ Freeza :D


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